Mwahahahaha

I read this op-ed in the New York Times this week. It says that we could counteract the effects of global warming by pumping sulfate particles in the stratosphere. It gave me a brilliant idea: I could fly up to the stratosphere in my spare time and seed the stratosphere with these sulfate particles. Then the polar bears will be saved from extinction, and would be so grateful that they would do anything I trained them to do. I could lead a polar bear army to the man in the horn-rimmed glasses and sic ’em on him! Their white fur will be dyed red with his blood, and all will live in fear of West, the flying alien boy, benevolent god of polar bears! I could give Claire a polar bear cub as a present, which is way better than the teddy bear that she sleeps with. She could be my polar bear queen.