Friends, Americans, admirers, I have returned!
Yes, at long last love, your cold angel of beauty is back to shine the icy glow of her radiance upon your pitiful, unglamorous lives. I am so, so sorry for my long absence, but now I am here to make it all better. Rejoice, and heal yourselves with the soothing balm that is my reflected beauty. You may all breathe easy now.
Well, except for this poor schlub.
Yes, friends, a new development for me! Something I never thought I could do, and yet here I am doing it. A new ability, one I will be able to put to use saving the rest of the world as Supersexy Superhero Tracy Strauss.
I am finally letting you all witness the glory that is my naked back. Wouldn’t you be proud of me if you weren’t too busy ogling me?
Oh, and that water thing, too. That’s new as well.
But really, everyone, these past two months have seen so many new horizons open up for me, and because I feel guilty for depriving you of my icy beauty for so long, I will share the best ones with you in a list I’m calling Tracy’s Top Three.
#3: New Understanding of My Hideous Sister Niki
I finally understand what drove her to the brink of madness. It was being forced to wear Prison Jumpsuit Orange.
And having endured this travesty myself, I now have a better understanding of what drove my poor sister to act like a crazy, unglamorous psychopath. Beware, all ye who design prison clothes, I am coming for you.
#2: New Abilities
I learned a lot of new tricks while on the run from Danko and the U.S. Government, henceforth to be known as the Horde of Ugliness. In addition to my newfound powers of Blindingly Beautiful Nudity and Super-Gorgeous Water Action, my Fierce Ice Skills have evolved to new heights, allowing me to freeze an entire parking garage of ugly people in a flash. I call it my Cold Snap.
Another bonus. I am now effectively immortal, a true Goddess of Beauty. Whether it’s freezing myself and getting shattered (which is surprisingly a bit of a turn-on, ladies, take note), or simply turning into water when I’m slashed across my beautiful face (which is still unscarred, don’t worry!), I now seem to be invulnerable to harm, allowing my loveliness to endure forevermore.
“But wait!” you exclaim. Who would have the audacity to even try to slash me across the face? Well, the answer to that is…
#1: New Love?!
Yes, friends, Tracy Strauss, supersexy superheroine extraordinaire, the ice queen with a frozen, impenetrable heart, may have finally found true love.
I mean, just LOOK at him. :”>I never got his name or number, but one look at this dreamboat as he sliced up Danko at superspeed (and then tried to do the same to me) and I was hooked. Finally, someone to equal me in both hotness and cold, deadly superpoweredness! Nothing like Psycho Traitor Ex-Loverboss Nathan Petrelli, oh no, this guy embraced his power in a way that I have never seen ANYONE do so other than… well, me.
And when I grabbed him by the arm to shatter his knife, that might just have been an excuse to hold his hand.
Maybe. 😉
Sexy. Lethal. Superpowered. Am I in love?
Supersexy Superhero Tracy Strauss