My life can never be normal, can it? Like, 2 years ago some creepy dude came to my school totally trying to steal my brain. And that started it all. Seriously. My life is one freaking misadventure after another. THEY will not leave me alone. They are following me everywhere, watching me shower and cheer and cut off my toes. No, I’m not talking about stalker boyfriends. I’m taling about something much more evil. So evil I don’t even know for sure who they are. But they are there. But Sylar has something to do with it. “didn’t he die?” you ask. No! No, he didn’t! He never dies! I mean, how many times has he come back from the dead to stalk me, right? If he weren’t such a girl, I’d think he was into me or something. Get this. There was some guy at the mall dressed as the character from this Nerd Trek or whatever, and he was totally looking at me. He told me to live long and prosper. He knew! He totally knew that I can’t die! Thats why he said it! And when I screamed, he looked at me all funny and I saw it. It was Sylar in disguise! I swear!!
And then bio-gramma takes me to this charity thing for puppies and animals. She says I need to be a constructive member of society. Umm. Hello? What about my Super Team idea? She shoots that down all the time. I think she has a problem with skin tight leather and spandex. Anyway, I see this guy with that guy from the Chuck show. I ask for Chuck’s autograph cause he is totally cute and famous, you know? And then the other guy turns around with this dog. I scream and call the animal rights people to save the dog. Know why? Cause it was Sylar! Really! Maybe the Nerd Trek guy was a bust, but this was totally him. Sure he was super nice and liked to cuddle dogs… But it was an act. He was there to get me.
Well Bio-gramma has a little fit about me being disruptive and paranoid and uncultured. She takes me home and tries to find a nice school to send me off too. Thats when I decided to tell her about my suspicions. She totally doesn’t believe me and sends me home. But on the way out, I pick up her phone. I’ve been doing that alot lately…. And guess what? Bio-dad has gone toally crazy! Crazier than he already is. (I mean, he sees dead people. And not even hot dead people like Bruce Willis. He sees crusty old guy who like to make chicken pot pie and blow up New York). Anyway, I hung up and called Uncle Super Cute Peter. “I TOLD you! I told all of you! Bio-dad is nuts! And guess what! He’s totally working with Sylar!”
“Sylar? Isn’t he dead?”
“GAAAAH! He is NOT dead!! He is SO out to get me! But hey, don’t worry, I’ve totally got it covered. My emo look with the skin tight leather and spandex that your mom totally hates? I’m wearing that as my disguise,”
Then he started talking really fast and told me “yeah, yeah, keep that on. That’s good. I’ll uh… see you soon… real soon…”