I don’t really care that this Eclipse lasted for 5 minutes, 10 minutes or forever and a day. I just really care that I have my abilities back oh and that I made up with my father of course. I mean I’m not that cold and bitter about life. The first thing I’m going to do is break my Forest Gump DVD in half, preferably over Matt’s head. Now that I can go back to my old ways (lying, stealing, playing both sides of the coin) I don’t really need to hang around Kansas, self-evaluating about my decisions in life and bond with Hiro and his wife Ando. However, Matt insisted we had to help them so Hiro could get his memory back.
Just because I find Sam attractive doesn’t mean I don’t love Matt even though we’ve never kissed or have seen each other naked or have never slept in the same room or have gone out on a date or…well I could keep going but you get the idea. Come to think of it we haven’t done much of anything in the romance department. No wonder I’m starting to fantasize being alone in the stockroom with Sam.
Lets compare the two men. Sam exudes coolness, it leaks out of his pours. I mean sure he eats junk food and works in a comic book shop, and gets overly excited on Wednesdays but that still means he’s cool right? Then we got Matt who sweats a lot and smells like Krispee Crème donuts. So while I was debating on how to get Sam to notice me (by plotting various ways of kidnapping George Lucas) Matt was talking to Hiro trying to get him to go back in time and convince Sam not to work in the comic book store so I’d never have the opportunity to meet him.
“Hiro,” Matt pulled him aside, “You have to go back in time and make sure this clown over here doesn’t move to Kansas, got it? It’s the only way to save Daphne.”
“Will this save the world?” Hiro asked.
“Uh Yeah, sure thing,” Matt said and Hiro scrunched up his face as if he over-dosed on ex-lax and disappeared.
Then that butterfly thing happened and the Sam I knew changed, into another guy who lived in Lawrence, Kansas.
Possible Alternate Sam #1
Okay so this wasn’t the Sam I knew but he was still from Lawrence Kansas. Except he kept babbling about demons and his brother Dean and a bunch of other unrealistic stuff that made me roll my eyes. What happened to Sam? Sure he was hot but he was defiantly deluded.
“Sam,” I told him, “just shut up already. There aren’t any Demons and Angels running around. This is the real world you know. Get over your deluded issues and lets go back in the stock room and make out.”
Possible Alternate Sam #2
Okay so Matt didn’t like that and convinced Hiro to once more go back in time and change things. But sitting chained to the floor with some freaky looking weirdo on the monitor wasn’t exactly my cup of tea.
“Hello Hiro, Hello Matt I want to play a game. Matt you have to kill Ando or Daphne will die. Hiro you have to kill Daphne or Ando will die.” Scary looking jigsaw guy laughed from the monitor sitting by the cash register.
“Uh Hiro, remember that thing we talked about?” Matt yelled across the room.
Thank God Hiro got us out of that mess which brings us to:
Possible Alternate Sam #3
Some old washed out old actor guy who everybody still thinks is super hot but really isn’t. I mean come on, the guy has more kids than I have fingers, or so it seems.
Okay this was when I had my epiphany. I really didn’t have a crush on Sam, I just wanted some good old fashioned Romance. After all, who wants some comic book shop geek when they have a real live hero standing right next to them?