“I don’t have time for this,” Jack Bauer growled at me. “I have to stop the nuclear bomb, the biological weapon, and the presidential assassination and I’ve got less than 24 hours to do it.”
“I know,” I growled back. “I told you that you were duped. There’s no nuclear bomb, biological weapon, or assassination plot going on here.”
“You must be the mole planted in CTU to take me down,” Jack Bauer growled again. “That’s the only reason I can think of why a fellow agent would have her weapon drawn on me.”
“You drew on me first,” I growled to him. “Give me a moment to explain…”
“I told you, I. Don’t. Have. Time,” Jack growled, carefully stressing each word through his teeth. “Get out of my way or I’ll have to shoot you. I still have to stop the terrorist cell in LA, intercept a delivery of heroin, and bake my daughter a birthday cake.”
“I’m. On. Your. Side,” I growled back. This stalemate isn’t getting anywhere. “And I completely understand the pressure you’re under. I have to stop a serial killer who eats brains, stop another killer who shoots people in the head, baby sit some stupid local cop, and guard a presidential candidate.”
“Yeah, well I have to…” Bauer stopped growling for a moment. “Wait, which presidential candidate?”
“Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator,” I growled back. “That idiot is nothing but a pain in my—”
“I knew this bit seemed familiar,” Bauer interrupted with his patented growl. “Fine. Just get out of my way so I can stop the gunship from taking out the presidential motorcade, then change the tire on my girlfriend’s car, then stop that airliner from taking off.”
“I told you you’ve been duped,” I growled back. “Just lower your weapon. Now.”
“No. Not this time,” the CTU agent growled. “You need to drop your weapon.”
“I make you a deal,” I growled. “I need to take out those other three over there. Help me out and I’ll let you go.”
Keeping his pistol pointed at me, he stole a glance over at Peter, Simon, and Richard.
“OK,” he growled in agreement after a moment.”
“Wait,” I growled back. “You can’t kill them though, can you just wound them?”
“Well, I’m not used to it, but I suppose I could,” Jack growled. Then he turned and shot the each of the trio in the arm. Richard Simmons and Simon Cowell crumpled to the ground clutching their wounds but Peter Petrelli strode towards us. Electricity crackled off his hand and an ozone smell filled the air.
“Wait wait!” I yelled to Peter. “Don’t electrocute me. Please just burn me instead.”
“OK.” The electricity snuffed out on his hand, then he shifted that giant floppy tentacle of hair hanging over his face. He raised his hands again and radioactive flame crackled from his fingertips.
“No no!” I yelled. “Don’t burn me, just fly up in the sky and drop a rock on me.”
Peter looked confused for a moment, then he started cycling through his powers.
“What? No, not again!” he howled emotionally. He shifted between fiery red and electric blue, hot and cold, visible and invisible.
I stalked up to him and punch him hard right in the jaw. He crumpled to the ground unconscious.
“Wow, that was… unbelievable,” Bauer growled in astonishment.
“Yeah, shooting him wasn’t going to work,” I growled back. “I had to make him go critical then knock him out.”
“Well I have to get going,” Bauer growled. “I have to go stop the Serbian mob, delouse the pandas that just arrived at the San Diego Zoo, and defuse the time bomb at the dam.”
“One thing though,” I said. “I can’t let you go, either.”
I quickly jammed a Taser into the CTU agent’s abdomen and triggered the device. Voltage jumped between the two contacts and through his body. He convulsed and then dropped to the ground like a wet sack of wet flour.
“Non lethal,” I growled in amusement. “Interesting change of pace.”