Anyway, I totally st
arted preparing to make my fantabulous first impression on Sylar! After changing into a totally hot dress and doing my hair I got out my new tube of Juicy Grape Super Shiny Totally Plumpin’ Extra Blinding Lip Gloss. It’s so shiny that when the light catches it everyone around you gets blinded!!
After half an hour of applying the lip gloss I decided my lips were shiny enough, since I had used up the whole tube of lip gloss. I was totally ready to start making my stupendous first impression! Sylar would totally pick me for immunity!
(Heh, heh. I totally love exclamation points.)
“Sylar, you’re so hot everybody around you gets sunburned,” I said smoothly. It was a totally awesome pick-up line I wrote in a love letter to myself. “Whew! I’m sweating. Anybody got some sunscreen?” I just KNEW that my unbelievable sense of humor would get Sylar to just LOVE me! (Who doesn’t love me? I’m an adorable little girl.)
Next I decided to TOTALLY impress Sylar with my biggest talent of all – smacking my lips and batting my eyelashes! He would totally love it and it would count as flirting at the same time!! (I think…) So I totally smashed my lips together so hard my front tooth chipped (I don’t THINK Sylar noticed…) and batted my eyelashes so hard I got dizzy. I, like, TOTALLY had to stop myself from falling!! I felt like I had just played Ring Around the Rosy with Sylar and my buddies from remedial gym class!
That talent was beginning to get tiring, so I moved on to something else – my incredible talent of finding people!! It’s something that just comes naturally…and no, I can NOT teach it to you in my spare time (what spare time???).
“OMG, did you know that Sylar is standing in this room?” I said smartly. “The real Sylar!” That didn’t seem very impressing, so I tried someone else. “The President is totally in the White House right now.” That still didn’t seem very impressing, but, like, whatev, right?
“Sylar, you’re so hot I’m sweating,” I said in the sexiest voice imaginable. “AND you’re cooler than the iced latte I spilled on my new white skort last week. You wear skorts, right? They’re TOTALLY cool! I want to marry whoever thought of combing skirts and shorts – uh, after I marry you, of course!! You’re TOTALLY number one on my list of people to marry! That list is actually pretty long…”
The flirting was going so totally well! I had never flirted much before (except with myself in the mirror at home), so I was TOTALLY surprised how well it was going!! Well, not TOTALLY because Molly Walker is so amazingly hot that flirting would just be a natural skill for her…right??
“Sylar, do you remember the time you killed my parents and tried to kidnap me?” I asked. “That was so fun, remember? It’s one of my favorite memories about you! I, like, always have SO much fun around you!” I giggled nervously. Molly Walker…NERVOUS? That’s right, it’s possible, kiddies. I never knew it before now, either. My hands were sweating up a storm – literally. There were rivers on the floor from all that sweat!! I hoped Sylar would think it was hot, though…literally!! Ha…ha…ha.
Ha!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG, I totally love exclamation points. Hopefully Sylar does too!!
I decided to end my first impression by giving Sylar a gift…a box of half melted moldy Valentine’s Day chocolates the boy who picks his nose gave me two years ago! I found it in my closet three days ago and hung onto it because I knew it would come in handy…aren’t I psychic??? Who doesn’t love melted moldy chocolate that was sitting in an adorable little girl’s closet for two years??? No one, that’s who!! And Sylar is TOTALLY not no one!!
I sighed, totally happy with myself!! Hopefully I’d be, like winning immunity!
You’ll be hearing from the adorable Molly Walker again.