OMG, shhh! It’s like me, Sylar! I’ve been at the X-mas party all along, hiding in the corner! I had planned on surprising everyone as Santa, but they already have one, and he’s like, totally fat. He’s like, twins with the other one I killed to steal his costume before I came in here, lol! Anyways, I was totally tired of not being noticed, so I modified my costume a bit, used my cleavage generation powers that I somehow have, ‘n laid out provocatively in front of the X-mas tree, like a bear skin rug that was somehow provocative lol. Almost immediately I like, drew some attention! That of my beloved Mohindy!
“Is it not destiny that drew my eyes to meet those of this voluptious vixen in front of me? Like a radical wheat monkey will forever delouse its rectum, I…oh, sweet Josephus! It is Sylar!” Mohindy shrieked, puking all over everyone’s X-mas presents!
The lil cheerleader girl came over. I drooled as she spoke. “OMG! Stay away everyone!” Hehe, they had to know I was there now “I like, learned in biology that Indian puke can cause Mad Cow’s disease or something!”
“I do not dine on the bovine. It is merely the ironical twist of destiny that caused my sudden expulsion of partially digested Taco Bell.”
“Yeah Claire! Gosh, you’re like so stupid! I bet you don’t even think Santa exists! Well, I am he! And you’ve been naughty! So, like, prepare to…um…Mohindy, help me out here!”
“Expire?”
“Expire? You mean like how you’re like, not supposed to eat food until after its expiration date or else you’ll like, get Mad Cow’s disease?”
“You mean before?” Bob asked.
“No, after.”
“Regardless of your nutritional idiocy, I believe the word you are lacking from your lexicon is die,” Mohindy interjected before I outsmarted everyone lol.
“OMG that’s it! Prepare to die!” I raised my sexy finger, ready to activate my super mind trick! All of a sudden, from out of nowhere, Mr. Glasses came running in!
“NOOOooooOOOocoOOOooOO!” he shouted, pushing Lysander in between Claire ‘n me! Poor Lionel’s head got chopped off! “Thanks for saving me, Louis!” Claire said. She ‘n all the more important people ran into a corner to huddle while I started mind tricking all the extras, er I mean, waiters ‘n caterers ‘n stuff, lol! Well, after a while, I got bored, so I like, illusioned myself to look like Micah ‘n joined their huddle!
“We should get a bit of Claire’s blood to resurrect your son, Noah,” Bob said.
“What? Oh, yeah, sure, whatever. If we’ve got time. But right now, we need to figure out how to stop Sylar!”
“We could all kill ourselves, submitting to death’s warm embrace. He can’t kill us if we’re dead,” suggested Peter.
“Let’s call that Plan B,” Bob said.
“I have an idea!” some cute guy said. “Well, Sylar’s like an alien, right? And not just any alien, but a stupid alien. And stupid aliens are dumber than stupid robots. Or am I getting it mixed up? I forget. Being an alien’s not easy. Anyways, why don’t we tell him that we’re all counting on him to deliver brains to all the children of the world tonight?”
“Brains? Sounds tastey!” I said, my voice cracking. Everyone looked at me with suspicion or smoething! I was found out! I shifted back to my sexy Sylar form. “Christmas fools, lol! It’s me, Sylar!” What a prank I had pulled! The best Christmas fools joke ever, lol!
Mr. Glasses gave a sexy sigh of relief. “Oh, thank Andy Griffith. We didn’t invite that weiner kid, Micah. It was kind of awkward with him involved in our plan to foil you.”
“Wait…so that means…you invited me?” I asked, a tear in my eye.
“Of course!” Mr. Glasses responded. “What better way to clear out the diner at the end of the party than a homicidal murder spree?”
“Awww, you guys really care! Even you, Mohindy?”
“Uh…there is no time to answer such quandries. It is an evolutionary imperative that you take to the sky and deliver brains, the biological souls of all humans, to the currently soul-less children.”
“But, I can’t fly,” I said, pouting.
“I think Peter and I can help you with that,” the cute guy, West said.
“Are we killing ourselves and volunteering our brains? I think that’s a good idea,” said Peter, raising his finger, ready to tear off his skull.
“We’ll call that plan B,” West responded.
Well, a Plan B with brain eating would have been good, but Plan A, which, like, involved me looking at Peter and West’s butts all night was pretty good, too, hehe! Brains! Brains for every girl and boy! Eat them, get big and strong and special so you can grow up and get your brains eaten by me lol! Yay! Merry Christmas everyone!
