OMG, so like, the chef said I should post something disclaimatory or something about this post, because it’s R-rated or somethin’. I didn’t want to, but he was seriously throwin’ a hissy fit. Personally, I think all posts should be XXX, but what do I know, I’m just a sexy Sylar. Anyways, the like, tale begins ‘n stuff!
Lol, it’s us, the dynamic duo! In case you haven’t been reading my blog, I’ll lte you know. Through a series of scary time holes, black continuums, and some hella awesome plotholes, Future Sylar has returned! He’s come to give me advice ‘n junk about getting my powers back, and help guide me away from my hetereosexuality sickness! That’s right, I’ve been feeling…straight! Ewwww! ‘N Future Sylar’s never been straight and is still as Clay Aiken-ish as evah! Fabulous!
Well, after sweet, sexy May…I mean, sexy sweet Alejandro, and icky, manly Alejan…I mean, icky girly Maya went to bed, I snuck out with Future Sylar! He had a good idea, to not worry about icky boys and go hang out with some hot girls ‘n try to befriend them ‘n junk! Maybe they’ll let me touch their boobies!
So we went to the best place to find girlies…the strip club! We went straight to the man in charge. “Hey, sir! We’re like, lookin’ to make some friends with the girlies here! Got any recommendations?”
The man looked at us funny. “Well, for a couple of weirdos like you,” which he may have said because I was wearing a wig and dress lol, “I’d say Stumpy would be a good choice.”
“Stumpy?” Future Sylar asked. “That doesn’t sound very sexy.”
“Hey now, ol’ Stumpy’s a real looker. And if you’re lucky, she’ll even take her stump protector off!”
“Stump? You mean like a lil Sylar?” I asked totally disgustedly…I mean, lustfully, pointing at my crotch!
“A little, what?” The guy was totally confused, then saw me pointing at my panties. “Oh, no, you sicko, not one of them, though I’m sure you’d like that.” I wish he was right about that, but I wasn’t so sure these days 🙁 “An arm stump, and a hot one at that. It’s turned gay men straight,” the man finished.
“Turned gay men straight?” I thought to myself, worriedly.
“Naked female arm stumps?” Future Sylar mused, drooling. “We’ll take her!”
“NOOooOOocoOOOoOOOO!” I shouted. I looked around at all the hot ladies. The world was spinning! Future Sylar was like, lusting over a girly’s uncovered stump! My gayness was about to be vomitted from my gay stomach! I needed to do something! I needed to showcase my feminine sexuality! I ran up to the stage, pushed the stripper off, and began dancing around the pole!
The men immediately screamed in what I interpretted to be lust! One got so excited that he like, totally vomitted! Another couldn’t take the sexiness so he scratched at his eyes until he went like, blind! Then, yelling in total pleasure and excitement, they ran away from the stage, I can only assume to run to the bathroom to squeeze the weasel, flog the dolphin, or, as my daddy used to say, wind the pocket watch lol! Except for the fact that they went out the exit, and not the bathroom. I guess they like to do it in public, like Sylars do, lol!
As the crowd dispersed, I could totally see Future Sylar gettin’ close to Stumpy.
Her stump was still covered! Oh, Future Sylar, how could I have like, ever doubted you! You’re so gay!
P.S. Future Sylar here! When Sylar went to the bathroom, I totally got Stumpy to show me her naked stump, and it was hot! Uh oh, Sylar’s coming back, gotta go!
P.P.S. Not Future Sylar here. There like, something fishy about Future Sylar’s “gayness,” and I’m going to get to the bottom of it!
P.P.P.S. I could use a nice pair of new bottoms for my sexy bottom, lol!