Once upon a time, some random sketchy dude attempted to kill me and got a horrible version of my former best friend. And a kinda cute man saved me. The mistake that I made here was thinking that because he could do what I could do, that he was in some way going to help me through the insane and bizarre trial that has become my life. Then I found out he was my biological uncle! Truth is, Uncle Kinda Cute is totally waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay (I don’t have enough space in my blog for the actual proportional ammount of a’s needed to say how really, seriously and totally screwed up he is.) worse off than me. HE’S GOING TO EXPLODE! AND KILL NEW YORK! AND HE WANTS ME TO KILL HIM!
So anyway, my dad’s totally in New York, and unlike some people, he’s not hanging out with people who want to abduct me like some biological fathers we know. But he totally did bring the people that held us hostage, like both of them, like even Ted. I swear, shifty, shifty people in my family…I don’t know what’s going on. I can’t even keep all of this straight any more, cause I totally thought that Ted was on our bad people list cause he kinda blew up our house and made me all zombified. And Matt shot me… I told him to but still… jeans! And I totally thought BFP was on the *mostly* good people list because of the whole you know, “being my biological father thing. And Uncle Kinda Cute was on my mentally healthy people list because he’s kinda cute! But no one will stay on their respective lists or even in their respective states. I had Texas and New York all straight, but no…people took planes and trains and radioactive men all over the country. And what a bright plan that was cause Uncle Kinda Cute + Radioactive Caveman Hostage Taker = Me with Huge and Unpleasant Gun and Murder Death Kill Mandate from said Kinda Cute Relative.
And Uncle Kinda Cute is giving me weird looks along with the glowy hands…I feel a little uncomfortable and it’s not just the massive gun I have in my hand.
Ooooh, almost forgot the most life-changing part! I got clothes from Bio-Grandma, like this really cute outfit!
