OMG! I am totally gonna miss the Burnt Toast Diner. Like, the waffles there were the total hotness. My Dad totally sent me away with this Haitian guy who’s all “You must leave the Country, Claire” And I’m all like “No, I want to see that Kinda Cute Peter Petrelli again” and He was all like “No, you really can’t cause you have to be Vivian” And I was all like “No, Vivian is a freaky dork’s name!”
Come on! Vivian? Vivian? It was so horrible that I had to go in the bathroom and started banging my head against the wall. You will never know how good blood is as a face Moisturizer. The hydration is insane. The absolutely bestest way to tell when you have enough is when brain matter actually starts dripping down your eyes, then it’s time to rinse. After that autopsy I was covered in it and my skin never felt better, like never ever ever. I was barefoot and naked in the middle of the morgue but my pores were so small.
N.E wayz. Who gets a fake name like Vivian? I should totally be like Paris Reid Lohan. And what about Zack?!? Who will he practices his weird Wiccan rituals with? I was seriously his only supply of human blood cause he was absolutely all drama queen about actually cutting himself with a needle and I was all like “OMG, I’ve totally broken my neck before, you sissy!” Every time he wants to call up the wind or some stupid crap like that I have to lose a freakin’ limb and he’s all like “Jeez, it will grow back! Cause you’re little miss miracle grow ha ha ha LOL.” I swear if I hear Ms, Miracle Grow again I will rip one of my arms off and bash someone with it. You will not believe how absolutely sharp a shattered bone can be. I almost totally slit that jerk, Brody’s throat with my pinky toe bone.
So, the Haitian guy is like “Get on the plane, Claire, ugh, I mean Vivian, God *French that I really don’t understand* and I’m like “I totally wanna check out that fab necklace you have cause I’ve seen that freaky deaky symbol everywhere” And he was like “French French French, okay but you’re still totally getting on that plane cause the mysterious phone person said that you had to and I don’t argue with the mysterious voice. Don’t make me *French, French, French French* you” And I was like “Oh my god! Testy much!?!!??!?! And then he was all like “I haven’t taken an exam in years” and then I was so like “Got your passport!” And he was like “ I really have to go with that mischievous little blond because she’s totally my daughter, Mr. Security man with a huge gun, here let me fondle your head” And I was totally like “See you later, I have to find my Kinda Cute Petrelli cause he’s the only one who could possibly understand being a freak like me even though you suck thoughts out of people’s brain, My Kinda Cute Petrelli is the only one who will ever understand the agony and angst of being me!”