I love my Mommy. She and I would go everywhere together. She would take me shopping at the department store. Mommy would set me in the front of the cart while she would shop. The slaves of the store would stare at me like I was their God. Which I am, of course. I would sit there and look down upon all the lowly white trash, shopping with money they surely received from welfare (curse you, Franklin Delano Roosevelt!) During every shopping excursion, one of these peasants would stop Mommy and ask to lay their filthy hands on me. Part of me likes being worshipped, like some wealthy vassal doggie amidst a land of surfs. But in what twisted feudal system can such a creature lie its hands on the elite such as I?
It has been a rough time for Mommy lately. She’s been forgetting things; she’s lost her purse, her keys, even her retarded son! Well, being the perfect boy that I was, it always had to be me who would go find these things for Mommy. Shouldn’t I be the one receiving the pampering? The nerve!
This continued for a while. Like a couple days ago, when Father came home early, he asked Mommy where Claire was. She had no clue! She was just walking around in a daze like some pretentious aristocrat on morphine. And she had just seen Claire moments ago! I was worried for my Mommy.
And without getting my usual 24 hours of attention, I was bored! So, while Father was upstairs, I elegantly pranced over to the computer. Such a device was not worthy of my graceful paws, but I needed to cause some michief to get someone to notice me! I found a hidden file on sister’s computer, and “accidentaly” printed out her fake tickets and left the paper in the printer. Hmph! Maybe that would get someone to notice me. After I did my naughty deed, I went back to my chair and took a nap.
Father saw the tickets and confronted Mommy. Poor dear didn’t remember that, either! She didn’t know it was my stealthy doing, and of course Father wouldn’t pay me any heed! He never does.
When Claire came home, she said “Hi” to all of us and went upstairs. Father followed her up there. I had to see the result of the trouble I’d caused so I followed him up there. He showed her the fake tickets, she was busted! I was laughing inside my cute little head. He ended up grounding her, and she was quite upset! I guess it is her time of the month.
The next day, Mommy was getting worse. Father, that cold hearted heathen, ignored her and went to work. Well, I had had enough of it, so I called Father’s cell. I didn’t say anything, I wanted his heart to race as he wondered whether something had happened to his “precious” family that he supposedly cared so dearly about. He certainly didn’t care about me, the most important one! Regardless, he came straight home and found Mommy babbling like a fifteen year old child who’d grown up in a house full of lead paint. He took her to the hospital.
Hours later, Mommy came home and went right to bed. I was worreid about her, and decided to pay her a visit. Upon seeing my beautifully groomed fur, she began to wail like a promiscuous harpy! I was shock, so much so that I entered the devil child’s room. It was not often I was seen in there, with it’s unpleasant odiferous emanations.
Eventually, Mommy went back downstairs and began to cook. After hiding under the devil child’s bed for a while, I decided to go and see her. When I made it down there, she started to scream again. This time, I held my ground with her. I just stood there, looking at her. I couldn’t believe it, Mommy didn’t know me! She even took to throwing things at me! I couldn’t believe it! Had one struck me, my doggy show days would have been over! All the while, she was yelling “Rabies!” at me. Rabies? Please, I’m too pristine for such a cliched doggy disease.
Then all of a sudden, Claire came to my rescue! Thank God for her. She picked me up, and defended me from Mommy. I thought Mommy was supposed to always be at my side!
So, that’s what going on with me right now. I am at my wits end. I love my Mommy so much, and I can’t stand to see her like this. Father is no help, either. I sorta wished Sylar would have taken me with him. At least he would have been good to me. We would have been perfect for each other, as long as he could keep himself from eating my brain. That in itself is a 5 star meal.
