Shabbat shalom! I have come to warn you of a very evil and salty enemy!! I must be quick! They are after me. I have recently found some interesting information about The Company!! The man in horn-rimmed glasses gave me the clues. I thought it was a trap at first! But I’ve discovered some awful secrets!!
First, the names of two important people. They could be the key to bringing down The Company!! Petrelli and Linderman!
The second great truth…the evilness of french fries!!
These horrific side orders are more devious than Mutant Cheerios and Killer Tofu combined! They wreak havoc on the innards of the righteous, the hard-working, God-fearing people of Western Civilization.
These potato punks may claim to be French in nationality, but the truth is they invented them. They called them French Fries so that they could more easily infiltrate your borders. Americans are too busy keeping out Muslims and Mexicans; they knew so-called French fries would go unnoticed, undetected, into the country. And it worked!
The fries are taking over! They are everywhere!!
How do fries plague us with their evilness? Simple!! Indigestion…unhealthiness….fat! They want us to be salty, chubby losers! It is much easier to control and manipulate unhealthy buckets o’ lard! How do you think John Goodman was convinced to work with Rosanne all those years?
Fight back! Spit in their ketchup reservoirs!! Next time you are asked, “Do you want fries with that?” grab your order of fries and throw them at the evil-doer’s face!!
We mustn’t eat these poisonous products!! We must revolt! We must fight back!!
They may have the upper-hand, but we can stop them!! True, fries are everywhere!! Fries have infected our children!
But there is still hope! We cannot surrender!!!! We cannot give in to their salty demands!! We must refuse to supersize! No more fries! No more fries!! No more fries!!!
We are already making good progress! Cut off the head and the body dies!
We got the Clown. Now, we only need to find the King! Then we can start to overturn the evil these two vile mascots have fried into our minds and bodies!!