Raising a Teacup

Is it bad parenting if the kid ends up dead? Yesterday I would have said, "Of course!", but today I'm thinking, "Well, it really depends on the circumstances of the child's death."

You see, before paper, before shooting people, before anything else, my top priority has always been protecting Claire. She's my child, and I would do anything to keep her alive. Fortunately, her ability makes my job really, really easy. I didn't realize how easy until now.

Kids are fragile, like teacups!

And like teacups, you shouldn't let rednecks drag them through town behind a pickup truck.

Proper Uses of Teacups

Being held by Lady Gaga

In an advertisement for this fine establishment

Riding in them

Improper Use of Teacups

Bathing Disney characters in them

Leaving them with a perverted clock babysitter

Doing vodka kitten shots out of them

Above all I am a good father. And this little emo tarnished my perfect record. So, I think I may need to create a new rule for myself: Only adopt kids that can't die.