Challange 4: Maya Meets His Mommy

I was the last to enter the room. Since I was meeting Sybriel's mother, I decided it would be best to show my personality, what I believed in. So I wore my sackcloth, though I did comb my hair and brush my teeth.

I expected her to hate me from the start. You see, with a name like Sybriel and with luck like mine, I was sure that my angel had come from a Jewish family. I half expected her to toss me out when she saw my obvious Catholic behaviours, but she merely sat there, staring bleakly at the little board in front of her.

"Are we going to play monopoly?" I asked. "I don't know how to play, but I will be your Latin slave and give you all of my property free of charge. I have my whips in the car too,"

I think she blinked. But it may have been a maggot. I moved closer and ripped the cushion from my chair before seating. I don't use cushions. And that is when I saw it. The game board was not a monopoly board. I remembered it from a "DO NOT TOUCH" list back at nun school. It was a board of evil. Taking my handy flame torch from under my hood, I lit it on fire and watched it burn. I think the Lady Angel smiled.

"These are evil," I told her, blowing the ashes away. One landed in her decaying eyeball. "Oh My goodness!" I cried. "I AM SOOO SORRRYYY!" I knelt at her feet and wept. And to my imense joy, she did not die! For the dead cannot die twice. Unless there is magic blood involved. Again, something shifted in her face. I was momentarily regretful that I had blasted our only means of communication. So I bit myself to be reminded that she probably had nothing to say to anyone as lowly as myself anyway.

When I had bled for what I was sure was long enough, I stood and got a washcloth and a bowl from the kitchen, where I preceaded to make up for my embarrising display. I washed her decrepit face and combed her hair with my fork, all the while feeding her the fancy American food from the table. I was content with the rat droppings and insects that I picked off of various parts of her body. I was actually happy for a bit and did not feel the need to punish myself. I was serving another person while lowering myself at the same time. I washed her feet and trimmed her toenails. By the time we were done, she was almost unrecognizable. I wrenched the scissors from her chest and kissed her boo boo, putting a Power Rangers band-aid over it. "There," I said. "All better," And then I let her look in the mirror.

"Now I think it is only fair to tell you why I am such an awful person. I cry for the world, yet my tears kill the world. Two weeks ago I kissed a man and that is why I am wearing sackcloth. The week before that I almost killed the entire moshing audience of a Disney style concert. That is where the burns on my earlobes come in. Would you like to see what I did to my tounge last night?"

And before I could get to why I didn't eat my breakfast this morning, time was up. I kissed the Lady Angel's freshly scrubbed feet and left her.

When I left the house, I torched that too. Poor women, never recieving a proper burial. Of course, for my audacity, I had to set my foot on fire, but I think it was worth it.

Oh goodness. I'm sure that went terrible. She must have hated me. A woman of such beauty and grace, she must have been bored out of her mind. I mean, is there anyone as uptight as me and my mother (who didn't let me have a pet rock until I was 18?) And so worldly as well. She must have hated my description of Mexico. *sigh* I must learn to loosen up if I ever want to be like someone as wonderful as Sybriel's mother.

Mission Four: Ghostly Mingling

"Hello? Hello? Anyone there?"

The room was decorated as per my request. The table was short with a flowery design. Snow globes surrounded me as I sat, staring at the empty chair across from me.

Oh, no! I started to panic. Where was her corpse? How was I going to complete the challenge?

Then, a producer came in. "Mr. Bennet," he said.

"Yes?"

"We're running short on time, Mrs. Gray is a busy woman. Her body was needed elsewhere, but don't worry. Her spirit is still around."

"Um...ok. How's that work exactly?"

"I don't know. I'm just a TV producer. Try talking to her or something." He said something about a gerbil into a walkie talkie as he walked out.

Her spirit was around me, eh? Creepy.

"Your food is getting cold," I said to mask my horror. Sure, I have dealt with some weird spit in my life, but ghosts give me the heebie jeebies.

I decided I would have to resummon her spirit. My ghost knowledge was limited to what I saw in The Sixth Sense, but I believe ghosts will go away if they are bored. Audrey must have bored Mrs. Gray back to the Buddha's belly button, or wherever people spend their afterlives.

"Ougi waga lollipop elixir peepee wa!" I chanted mysteriously.

"A cat in your pants?" a strange and cranky voice asked.

I stood, startled. "Uh, sorry. My ghost-speak is a little rusty."

I reached my hand out to make an apologetic gesture.

"Take your hand off my bosom!" the voice shrieked. The room even shook a bit.

"Oh, uh...just checking for Cancer, ya know, you can never be too safe."

"I'm already dead, you idiot."

"Well, they say it strikes when you least expect."

The two of us had a delightful conversation over my award-winning Radical Wheat Monkey Brains. She seemed pleased as we discussed politics, religion, Jews and tandem bicycles.

"I have a single-seater myself. It's the only way to ride."

She agreed whole-heartedly. I felt it was time for my secret weapon. Everyone else would probably charm her with talk, as I have done. But only I would give her the thrill of her life (after death) with a game of Twister!



"Right hand, green," I called out.

"Got it!" the voice stated.

I couldn't see any indication of her supposed twisting. "Really?" I questioned.

"Of course! My hand is right there. You could see it if you were dead."

"I was dead once....but nobody played Twister with me."

My time was up. I put up the Twister mat and thanked her for her time. "Your son is quite the catch, Mrs. Gray."

"Oh, I know. And he's got such a cute butt."

"Well, I don't know about all that..."

The building began to shake and the lights flickered.

"I mean," I corrected myself, "he has a superb butt!"

The mansion calmed and she said, "Take care, Andy."

"My name's Noah."

"No, it's not. It's Andy."

"No, Noah."

"No, Andy. The sweet kid from down the street."

"Uh, yeah...that's me. Bye bye now!"

Note to Sylar: If Andy wins, then that means me. She might also think my name is Adam or Audrey or Maya or Molly. So if she says good things about them, I think she means me.

Cyke whines and dines

So, I was draining the main vein when Sylar announced the next challenge. I overheard some of the others talking about having to go on a date with Sylar's mother. They all seemed kind of freaked out. Ha! Wussies. Charming the old ladies is my specialty.

As I was walking to my room I realized that if I played my cards right I just might be able to swing a three way. Oh man, that would be hot, doing a sexy chick like Sylar and her mother at the same time. I was getting goose bumps all over just thinking about it. I couldn't even walk straight. I knew I would have to, er, relieve my tension before the big date or I was going to be too much of a wreck to even speak.

Once I was again master of my domain, I slipped into this fancy-shmancy outfit the Professor made me rent and headed upstairs for my romantic meal with Sylar's MILF.

I got to the room and opened the door. The lighting was very dark and romantic. Two long thin candles flickered on the table. I moved closer, trying to make out Sylar's mom in the shadows. I hesitated. There was like the foulest smell I had ever smelled. Kind of like when the Blob lets rip with a real nasty stink bomb. You know, like after he's just swallowed a tub of KFC extra-crispy with a gallon of Chocolate Chocolate Chip chaser.

Anyway, I pinched my nose shut and leaned in close. Suddenly a lightening flash from outside filled the room with blinding light and I got a good look at Sylar's mom. A horrible high-pitched shriek pierced the deafening silence.

I realized the shriek came from me. Slowly I uncurled myself from the fetal position. This is like a totally excellent defensive trick I learned one time when I was getting beat up by some bullies. I fall to the floor and curl up in a ball. Then no one can see me and I can't be hurt. It works every time.

I was hoping I hadn't turned off Sylar's mom too much by my little freak out. Cautiously I peaked over the table at her. Oh man, this chick desperately needed some Aloe Vera. There was still half a thing of Lubriderm in my room. I figured now was an excellent time to get the hell out of there and get it.

Then I remembered how totally hot Sylar is. I'm suppose to wine and dine her mom. Fine. I turned down the opacity on my glasses to the point where I couldn't see anything. I mean there really wasn't much to look at anyway. Sylar's mom is pretty flat.

We chatted over dinner. I actually wound up having a pretty good time. She isn't one of those chicks who goes on and on about boring crap. She let me talk about myself. I told her about the time I had saved the Earth from an alien invasion. I also told her what a dick Wolverine is, always giving me wedgies and stuff. She was very understanding. By the end of the evening, I was thinking there was an excellent chance that threeway idea of mine just might work out after all.

Challenge the Fourth: In Which West Necromances

After awhile it was my turn to enter the dining room and meet Sylar’s mother. I told myself it would be easy, like talking to my own mom after she had taken a bit too much Valium, but as the smell of decaying flesh hit my nostrils I had to admit that she was, in fact, dead. I sat down at the table in front of the Ouija board and said, “Hello, Mrs. Gray. It’s nice to finally meet you. How are you today?”

The pointy thing on the board moved, spelling out YOU ARE DAMNED.

“Eh, what?”

ALL OF YOU ARE DAMNED TO HELL. MURDERERS! FORNICATORS!

“Robots!” I added.

OH GOD, WHAT HAS BECOME OF MY GABRIEL?

“Maybe you’ll feel better after we eat some supper and I tell you about how awesome Sylar is. You should be proud of him!” Honestly, it felt weird carrying on a conversation like this, but on the other hand it was kinda cool. It reminded me of that one episode of Doctor Who where these gas aliens were making the dead walk. Hey, maybe Sylar’s mom was an alien? Wouldn’t that be awesome? I bet the reason why Sylar is so awesomely alien is because he has alien genes. I said earlier that Sylar’s alienness means that he deserves to rule over us all, so if he literally was an alien that would be even cooler.

The pointy thing on the board started twitching again. I WOULD LIKE SOME TUNA SANDWICHES.

“I don’t really like tuna sandwiches,” I said. There’s a good reason why I don’t like tuna sandwiches, too. The day I woke up with my memory gone after being captured by Horn-Rimmed Glasses I was late to school, and I didn’t have any time to pack a lunch. That day the cafeteria served soggy tuna sandwiches, and it was gross.

YOU WILL CLEAN YOUR PLATE, YOUNG MAN. YOU’RE A GROWING BOY, AND IT’S BRAIN FOOD.

“Okay, okay,” I said as I went to the kitchen to talk to the show’s caterers. They came back with tuna sandwiches on a silver platter. I reached for a sandwich, but then Mrs. Gray’s spirit made a candlestick fly at my head.

YOU HAVE TO SAY GRACE.

“Uh, Good food, good meat, good God, lets eat!?” I honestly hadn’t said grace at the table in years, not since my parents got tired of hearing me pray that we would be spared from the robot uprising. Her spirit threw another candlestick at me.

YOU HAVE TO SAY IT RIGHT. I looked at her blankly, and the wind blew through the windows like a sigh. She spelled the entire prayer out on the Ouija board, and then I was allowed to grab a sandwich. When I finished, I saw the pointy thing move again. FEED ME. I scooted my chair closer to her, tore off a piece of sandwich, popped it in her mouth, then opened and closed her mouth again so she could chew, and tipped her head back so she could swallow. It was strangely intimate as my fingertips brushed against her desiccated lips. THANK YOU.

I noticed maggots crawling on her scalp. “Would you like me to comb your hair?” I asked as the pointer indicated ‘YES.’ I took the comb from my shirt pocket (I always try to look my best for Elle) and proceeded to work all of the maggots out of her hair. “If I win this reality show, I’ll make sure that all of Sylar’s dreams and your dreams come true. Don’t worry; I’ll keep your little boy safe from the robots.”

YOU’RE A SPECIAL BOY.

“Thank you, ma’am.”

Audrey Hanson, FBI. Challenge #4

Good evening, Sylar’s mom, you’re looking well. Can I just call you mom? Sylar’s mom seems so impersonal. Dinner’s just about ready, why don’t we move into the kitchen, I find it a little more intimate.

Your hair looks very nice, where did you have it done? You’re kidding. Oh, it’s fabulous.

Go ahead and have a seat right here, can you pass out all the plates? Great. I know you probably weren’t expecting this, but I invited a couple friends over for dinner as well. Mom, I’d like you to meet Justin. He was my boyfriend in high school until he got a little fresh with me at Makeout Point and I had to shoot him. I think he’s learned his lesson.

And this is my roommate from college, Grace. Yep, she was a great friend, always there for me, wouldn’t have gotten though Biology 101 without her. It’s unfortunate that she got a little too drinky after graduation and had that car accident. Yep we were all young and full of excitement in those days. Nothing was going to stop us. Nothing except a telephone pole, I guess.

What? You invited someone as well? Well that’s quite all right, I made plenty of hamburgers and we certainly have room for one more tonight. Who is it?

Who?

What?

I can’t believe you’d bring him to dinner. I didn’t even know he passed on. No, I haven’t seen him since he ran out on mother and me. Last I heard he was fired from a bowling alley for huffing shoe disinfectant.

Hello, father. I am well. I work for the FBI now on the Sicko Psycho Serial Killer Task Force. So I haven’t seen you since that night at Uncle Walt’s bar. He was gonna give you a job, all you had to do was stand there and hand out beers to the regulars, how could you not keep that job? What do you mean Walt’s a cheat?

Really? That’s so you, that’s unbelievable. So where’d you go after that? Uh huh. Uh huh. What do you mean you two are seeing each other now? Mom, is this true? Fine, whatever.

So how did you die anyway? In a hail of gunfire after robbing a bank? Twenty seven bullets to the chest and back? Wow. Well, like we always say in the Bureau: “It’s the 27th bullet that’ll get you.” So where’d this happen? Where? A sperm bank? And yet they never recovered the evidence. I don’t want to hear any more.

You’re right mom. He’s here to patch things up. I know, I know. Dad, I accept your apology, I know you couldn’t say that when you were still alive. I understand, you’re enlightened now.

Father knows best, huh?

Anyway, I have a surprise for everyone as well. Guess who’s coming to dinner? There’s a certain someone I’ve been seeing and he’ll be here any minute. He’s a musician. I know mom, that’s not a very good way to make a living, I just don’t think he has the skills for clock repair. Oh he’s a great singer, plays a guitar, too. Why he practically invented the whole Memphis sound himself.

Oh, there’s the doorbell, I’ll get it.

Mom, dad, I want you to meet Elvis. He’s my boyfriend.

Devastating Letter & Meeting My Future Mother- In-Law?

After receiving the challenge from Sylar, I went back to my room to pick out my suit for the evening and make a few phone calls. There was a letter laying on my bed addressed to the Hot Congressman. Thinking it was from Sylar, I ripped it open only to discover it was a warning from an unidentified friend. The letter said, “Your continued sexual exploits are turning off Sylar. You must remain celibate for the rest of the competition or he’ll eat your brain without even sleeping with you.” Naturally, after I looked up celibate in the dictionary, I was appalled! I’ve never gone more than 12 hours without a booty call, and how was I going to win over Sylar’s Mother if I couldn’t seduce her? I decided to put my worries on hold and get back to the business at hand. I got on the phone with my favorite restaurant, Mangeons les poissons. [Let Us Eat the Fish] I do a lot of business with them, so I knew they would go the extra mile. When Pierre answered, I asked for the Petrelli package number four, which is the win them over but don’t sleep with them package, and jumped in the shower to prepare for my evening.


Two hours later, I went downstairs and noticed Pierre had already set up the dinner table and the wine was chilling. Mrs. Sylar’s Mom was sitting at the table already with a pair of scissors sticking out of her chest. I suavely approached the table and kissed her hand while mentioning, “I see where Sylar gets his devilish good looks.” When she didn’t respond, I remembered I was supposed to use the Ouija board to reanimate her. I sat across from her body and enticed her soul to appear by offering her a dinner with the hottest politician in the world. Her body immediately reanimated, and she looked all around before saying, “Hey, I thought George W. Bush was here!” I paused and thought to myself, “No wonder he stabbed her.” But aloud, I only said, “He’s having his clock cleaned.”

This got her attention back on me. “Is my Gabriel doing the job? He is quite the genius with everything relating to clocks.” I stammered out a yes and attempted to turn the conversation back to the wonderfulness of me. I needed her approval so I could get into Sylar’s…Wait…If I have to remain celibate, can I get it on with Sylar? Surely he will let me break the rules with him…

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Mrs. Sylar’s Mom clearing her throat. “Are you listening to me, young man? I want to know what your intentions are toward my Gabriel.”

I opened my mouth to tell her about all the places I would take him and all the brains I would provide for him to eat; but before I could speak, Elle stuck her head around the doorway and blew me a kiss. I heard Mrs. Sylar’s Mom sigh loudly. I apologized to her for being distracted, and told her that her beauty was overwhelming and it was interfering with my ability to concen… HOLY MOTHER OF BOTCHY BALLS.

The look on Mrs. Sylar’s Mom’s face changed from flattered smile to confusion. She had already noticed that I was looking over her shoulder so she turned around to see what was going on…I tried to stop her but she turned around just in time to see Elle walking by wearing some sort of bondage outfit. She was shimmying and shaking things that really make me happy to see shimmied and shook. Thank God she wasn’t sucking on her finger anymore. I apologized to Mrs. Sylar’s Mom and told her I would get rid of Elle, whose beauty pales in comparison with her own.
I jumped up, crossed the room, spanked Elle’s bottom a few times, told her I would be back to finish her spanking later, & shoved her into the closet. I had to hurry up and finish impressing Mrs. Sylar’s Mom, before Elle realized I wasn’t coming. I dread telling her that I can’t see her until the competition is over. I feel an electrocution coming on…

I returned to the table to find Mrs. Sylar’s Mom looking at the scissors protruding from her chest. She looked at me and asked how they got there. Well, I didn’t want to be the one to rat out Sylar. He would never love me if I did that. So I said, “I don’t know, but all the models in France are wearing them now. It’s the latest trend.” She seemed rather surprised by that, but she bought it. The rest of the meal was without a lot of hassle. We talked; and I outlined the trip across Europe I wanted to take with Sylar. I also mentioned some of the celebrity brains I was lining up for him. She seemed pretty satisfied with all my answers. Although I did get the impression she didn’t know about the brain eating part of Sylar’s life. Oh well, I thought I needed to seal the deal ASAP, so I told her I had a gift for her before our dinner ended. Her eyes lit up at the word gift, I snapped my fingers at the waiter who opened the door for two burly men carrying this:



If I have any regret at all, it's that I couldn't get the globe to say, "Sylar, Get into it." Alas, it was too short on notice, but I hope this helps me nail this challenge…Especially, since I can’t nail anything else until the competition is over.

Challenge 4: Molly and Sylar's Mommy!!

Like, ZOMG hurray!! This challenge is, like, SO perfect for me!! (I know I say that, like, EVERY week but it’s true!!) So, like, ANYWAY this challenge is, like, SO perfect for me because I am, like, TOTALLY a momma’s girl!!! Mommy Matt and I always have Saturday night girls’ nights together where we paint our nails together and watch chick flicks and bake brownies and giggle and have a downright good girly time! Like, LOL!

Um, like I WOULD say, I knew I was gonna totally, like, ACE this challenge because adults, like, LOVE me!! But I’m NOT gonna say that because I don’t want to, like, jinx myself!! Like, LOL!! So I totally got dressed up in my bestest outfit and went to dinner with Sylar’s mommy!!

Okay, I have to admit, Sylar’s mommy’s dead body, like, TOTALLY creeped me out for a minute, but I totally got over it a second later!! In fact, I found it kind of hot!! (TOTALLY not as hot as you, Sylar, of course!! Like, totally!)

“Like, hey, Sylar’s mommy!” I exclaimed excitedly. “I brought brownies!” I grabbed the pointer on the Ouija board (those are so fun!) to hear her response. Her, like, ghosty spirit spelled out I’M DIABETIC. Oops. This was, like, SO not good!!

“Uh, they’re sugar free,” I lied quickly. Like, who cares?? She’s already dead!!

I snapped my fingers and Smithers, the butler my REAL daddy (not Daddy Mohinder) hired before Sylar sexily murdered him (like, thanks, Sylar!! He always made me go to bed before American Idol came on), brought in our meal – chicken with salad!! Simple but, like, delicious!! I knew Sylar’s mommy would love it!!

“So, Sylar’s Mommy,” I began, pouring half a bottle of ranch dressing on my salad and shoving a huge forkful of chicken into my mouth! “I’ll call you SM for short, since Sylar’s Mommy is WAY to long for me to remember!! Like, LOL!” I picked up the pointer, and SM spelled LOL!! Like, she had a sense of humor!! I was winning her over already!!

“How do you like the chicken?” I asked. IT’S FINE, she said. SMITHERS IS PRETTY HOT. “Not as hot as Sylar!” I exclaimed as Smithers stroked his mustache. “NO ONE is as hot as Sylar!!” THAT’S TRUE, SM spelled. “I’m glad we agree on something.”

It continued on like this for a little bit.

“So,” I said once we were almost done with our chicken. “I’m a momma’s girl, too. Just like your sexy Sylar!” I went on to tell her ALL about my Saturday night merrymakings with Mommy Matt!!

THAT’S CUTE, she said when I was done.

Suddenly I realized that I might be sounding too, like, selfelfish!! (Uh…selfish?? Whatev!) So I quickly asked her to tell me about her sexy times with sexy Sylar before sexy Sylar sexily…you know, murdered her!! I waited patiently while SM went on to tell me all about her sexy endeavors with sexy Sylar!! It was, like, SO sexy, except I got stuck on a couple of words!! Once she spelled out…

SYLAR

“Sih,” I began. “Sih-sih-sihla. That can’t be right. Sih…sy! Sy…Lar. Sylar. Sylar!! Sylar!! Uh, right. Whatev!! I TOTALLY knew that!”

Next we had the brownies. Since she’s a corpse, the sugar didn’t affect her diabeticness at all!! Like, yay!! I THINK she liked them…

“Like, this was a great meal, Sylar’s Mommy!” I said to finish up. “I had a totally sexy time!! You’re like, SO AWESOME!!” I KNOW, she spelled. YOU’RE NOT TOO BAD YOURSELF. JUST DON’T DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL, OKAY?

“Like, okay!!” I exclaimed happily and sexily, always glad for motherly advice!! (Seeing as, you know, my own mother is kind of a male.) “Like, bye, Sylar’s Mommy!! Again, I had a totally sexy time!!

GOODBYE, she spelled. AND GOOD LUCK.

“Like, thanks, Sylar’s Mommy!” I exclaimed. “Good luck in the afterlife!” With that, I was gone with one last sexy wave to Sylar’s mommy!!

Before I encountered Sylar again, I picked up a fresh patch of brain chocolates as a gift for Sylar! As Mommy Matt once told me…the key to Sylar’s heart is through her stomach!! Er…his.

Elimination: Love Stinks!

Well, guys, it's that time of the week again! No, not time to go on a murderous rampage, that's the other six days! I'm afraid today is a day of elimination!

So like, who will it be? The suspense is killing me! Oh wait, I know! Or do I? Hmm...I think I do! Monica, you are eliminated from the competition!



OMG another hot fantasy! One I really wish I could fulfill, but I can't take advantage of women who I seduce! I would never do such a thing, I'm above that! Right, Maya? Lol!

Anyways, Monica, you had one fatal flaw in this competition: you never baked me any brain-chip cookies! OMG, come on now! That woulda been the perfect bribery! But now all we have left is me fantasizing about eating your brain. And one day, when you're like, totally over me, I'll do it for real!

Anyways, read below, those remaining, for the next challenge!

Challenge 4: Momma's Boy

My name is Sylar! And I'm daddy's little girl. My daddy and I would sing and dance! He'd tickle me and we'd giggle together! Then we'd fall to the floor and make watches happily.

But I'm also a momma's boy! My mommy would come in to school and scold the boys who teased me. She protected me! I love my mommy.

So, your challenge will be this! Have dinner with my mommy! She's the least decomposed of the two, after all! For you see, I killed her. Sometimes our bonding got a lil rough!



Anyways, I've pulled her corpse from the grave lol! Now she's sitting at the dining room table in my mansion, and you contestants will each have dinner with her one at a time! Cook, eat, be merry!


I've left this ouija board so you could totally talk to her! Win my mommy's approval, and you just may win the key to my heart!

Immunity: We Are The Champions

OMG guys! So, now that we're down to ten I'll begin individually judging your posts and then announce immunity!

Sexy Girl-lover Audrey, your challenges have always been performed hotly, and your girl-loving to show me that gay is okay with you makes me smile! This week, your homage (I know, I'm surprised I know that word too) to Jem, my favoritest show from my childhood was great! Showtime, Synergy! The singing was a bit long, that's the only complaint I have!

Soon to Make Me a Pedophile Molly, your picture of Carrie Underwood, clock woman scares and arouses me. As does your obsession with your lookalike! Though the encounter with the makeout in the limo must have been hot, your Sylar Little Star song didn't rhyme :(

Ah, Creates a Burning in My Loins Congressman Nathan Petrelli. Always a strong performer, and his singing performance proves it! Any challenge that involves McLovin and Thunderballs is a great one in my book! No original song from you, but the one you did chose was a great one! You are a survivor, Nathan! Not many people survive blowing up, getting shot, and turning into a gold statue!

Courter of Bizarro Me, Elle! What can I say, you found bizarro me! Identical, manly, kind, not a brain-eating serial killer! So basically, you found all the worst qualities in me! Luckily for you, I can't sing, so that means you found a totally great singer! Another non-original song, but a good choice for the one you used!

Katrina Survivor, Cookie Maker Monica, interesting challenge! The Pussycat Dolls were a good band to have! I only ate one of their brains! But you "Yada yada-ed" the whole like, performance! And you could use some more interesting titles to your entries, like, too.

Robotic Alien WestDominate you did! While I don't know if I like you taking on the cutest corporation in the word, your band was totally hot, and High School Musical was prolly the best creation in the world! And your performance! While not original, it was so seducing and homoerotic! Oh, and the brain? A cherry on top of the sunday!

Ah, Mr. Glasses, my on again, off again BFF. Another strong post! Your band was great! Carlton is so cute! And your song writing was prolly the best of the evening. Great lyrics!

Sexy Man Who Sees Two Dimensionally, Cyclops, I totally loved your outfit! And you seeing me as the woman that I wish I was totally warms my heart! And your song was great! I think it was original, as it was quite interesting! But Sanjaya? I've had enough of hearing about him! Which is why I brutally murdered him backstage after the show lol.

My Soon To Be Supervillain Ally Adam Monroe, a strong post from you! An aria, though? That hurt my tender top-40 ears! Your ongoing battle with my crazy servant makes me giggle madly, and your ending song about rocks in your shoe was classic!

My Insane Ex Who Tried to Ruin My Life By Turning Me Straight, Maya. Your band of dwarves was very cute! Their brains would be perfect for someone on a diet, like me! Also, murdering of a cute girl who could outdo my sexiness is also a plus! Your song, while not original, was entertaining to see! A Mexican working! Imagine that!

And now, the winner of immunity! It was a tough decision, but this week, Flyboy West is immune from elimination! Take this brainrose token of immunity! Though your attack on the company that makes children's dreams come true, I realized something. My dreams never came true! I'm glad to see you're working to like, crush the dreams of the kiddies! And your seductory performance was top notch! You're one hot alien ;) Why do I have these things for aliens?!

Anyways, start sending your votes my way! I need them by like, midnight on Monday!

Challange 3: Maya and the Dwarves

My country (wherever it is) didn't have boy bands. Back in Mexico or Portico every one played the banjo and all musicians started on the street. They never got very far because more often than not they were shot or got a disease from living on the street. So I looked up boys and bands on the interweb. "Hmmm..." I wondered aloud. "Where ever will I find some willing young male musicians?"

I looked through my pitiful little backpack that I had brought with my for some inspiration. I sorted through my whips and spikes and various pieces of Alejandro's undergarments. I didn't find any CDs or magic answers, but I did find the first book/video that Alejandro and I bought on our cross country road trip to try and learn English. It's part of the reason why I spoke in such an annoying high voice when I first learned.

"Look Alejandro!" I cried, mostly out of habit. "These males are little and therefore boys! Oh! And remember how they sang in the video? It was glorious in exelsis! I have found my band of boys!" Alejandro didn't answer, so I looted through his boxers that I keep in the front pouch of my backpack and pulled out the lamp, giving it a hard rub.

"Oh, yes, that's how I-" He stopped abruptly. "Oh. Hello sister. Have you bedded you man yet?"

"No," I said woefully. "But you will be the first to know if I do. No, my question was how do I get to these little boys? I need them for my challenge,"

He stared at me blankly. "Maya, I think you should know..."

My eyes began to fill. I worried that he would tell me that these lovely children would never help someone a disdainful as myself.

"Ah... These 'boys'... they,"

"Oh!" I cried suddenly in a fit of joy. I just had the most wonderful idea! To the magic Bat Nisan!"

"The commercial said that the magic of the Nisan would take me wherever I want to go," I said to Alejandro, though I had left him in the room. I closed my eyes and pushed, like a little Japanese man trying to travel through time. I believed in the heart of the mini-van," And like that, I felt myself flatten into a 2-d shape. "Ah! Mias Dios!" I cried. "I am here!"

Before me was a little cottage. And though the birds flew happily around it, it was in quite a disarray. I knocked on the door and bleary eyed little man answered. "whattaya want?" He demanded.

I fell at his feet and presented my offering of fried roadkill. "Please take this meal as an offering of peace. I beg you to join me in a quest for musicianship and love," I felt his little boot kick me in the head.

"We don't deal with women anymore," The man I knew as Grumpy said.

"The last little whore took of with some guy, leaving us, her saviors with no one to clean the house. I mean look at Dopey!" I looked behind him at the webbed lump on the floor. "Oh... But ummm... What can I do?"

"You can drop dead, ho."

"I would love to," I replied

"Well, look who's here, she'll help you out,"

I turned to see a woman with an apple. An apple to beautiful for the likes of me. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" I cried. "DON'T WASTE YOUR LOVELY PRODUCE ON MEEEEE!" And like that she fell to the ground.

There was an uproar as seven happy men spilled from the house. They lifted me and cheered as birds flew around me and little squirrels jumped. I wanted to eat them.

"You have defeated the witch!" They cried. "What can we do to repay you?"

Back at the mansion, the little boys and I set up on stage. "Alright gang, lets bring this crowd to their knees," Doc said. Dopey drooled and clapped in response.

We went on an played they only song that they knew:

We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig in our mine the whole day through

To dig dig dig dig dig dig dig is what we really like to do

It ain't no trick to get rich quick

If you dig dig dig with a shovel or a pick

In a mine! In a mine! In a mine! In a mine!Where a million diamonds shine!

We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig from early morn till night

We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig up everything in sight

We dig up diamonds by the score

A thousand rubies, sometimes more

But we don't know what we dig 'em forWe dig dig dig a-dig digHeigh-ho, Heigh-hoHeigh-ho, Heigh-ho

Heigh-hoHeigh-ho, Heigh-ho

It's home from work we go

(Whistle)

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-hoHeigh-ho, Heigh-ho

(Whistle)

Heigh-ho, Heigh-hoHeigh-ho, Heigh-hoHeigh-ho, Heigh-hoHeigh-ho humHeigh-ho

At one point, I missed a note and started to cry. The audience started to fall, as did my fellow band members. Except for Dopey. He just drooled a little more and made a noise that sounded like a giggle. His bliss brought joy to my heart and I was able to revive my friends and finish the piece.

"I guess we brought them to their knees..." Bashful said. And we all laughed gleefully, like a bunch of cartoon characters in a very Disney movie.

Adam Monroe Accepts Challenge #3

At first, I was excited for this challenge. Well, not excited, I don’t get excited, but slightly uplifted I suppose. I would finally get the chance to show off my singing skills, which were once known to enrapture a crowd, and the only thing I had to worry about was finding a band. No problem.

But where was I to find a band? I flipped through my trusty book of acquaintances, and landed on the page labeled ROCK STARS. I called up the first 5 names I could find, hoping they were each a guitarist, bassist, drummer, backup singer, and keyboardist, and set off to meet them in a recording studio downtown.



When I saw them, all gimpy and rheumatic, strumming their guitar strings with their arthritic fingers and croaking the classics, I had to let a slight shudder of my own perfect shoulders betray my revulsion. I had forgotten the toll age would have taken on my former acquaintances, that my acquaintance book dates back before my attempt to take over the world using the Shanti virus. A stupid mistake that would not be made again.

But now I was struck with insecurities, as I wandered the streets leading away from the studio, striking lonely poses. Remembering the horrifying incident of the gray hair I found on my fabulously coiffed head, I wondered if my true age revealed itself in other ways, such as senility and incompetence. On the inside, perhaps I was no different than those decrepit men still practicing at the recording studio. Perhaps I was old. Was I old?

“Am I old?” I spoke aloud, tragically.

“Well, you’re not getting any younger!” Replied an uncouth voice from behind me, interrupting my reverie.

I turned to face the group of young men I had stumbled upon, who were practicing their musical instruments in the street.

“Good one, man,” one said to the other, high-fiving him.

“Yeah, you should write that down,” said another.

“Hey,” I said. “Do you want to be in my band?”

“Uh, sure. Who are you?”

“I’m your new lead singer.”

“Oh. Really?”

The heavily eyelinered blonde to whom I was currently speaking looked unsure of himself.

“I thought Dave was our lead singer. He just stepped around the corner to take a leak…”

“One moment,” I said. I stepped around the corner, intercepted the man who was presumably Dave, and snapped his neck.

“Nope, I’m definitely in,” I told my new band when I got back.

“All right dude,” said the dark-haired one unperturbedly. “Let’s rock!”

Soon after our black-copter arrival at Sylar’s mansion, we found ourselves ushered onto a brightly lit stage. The crowd was screaming.



I opened my mouth to sing, but then I saw him…the servant who had eluded me countless times since I tried to kill him my first day here! He grinned at me from backstage. I could see the grenade he held in his hand and the hate he held in his eyes, and I knew right then that I had to end it.

“You can handle yourself for five minutes, right?” I asked eyeliner blondie, and leaped after the servant. It didn’t take me long to catch him, and at long last, dispose of him for good. I’m sure he won’t be found where I hid him…Elle has such a big closet, after all…

When I got back to the stage, I could only stand agape in horror. They were plunking away at their instruments aimlessly, and the back up singer appeared to be useless without me. The crowd was losing its enthusiasm, and quickly. I had to do something. I jumped up on stage and all fell silent.



I sang the first thing that came to mind…

Well, I didn’t sing the entire aria. Just the most difficult part. In Italian. Everyone was still silent, and I couldn’t tell what Sylar was thinking. He was probably wondering what the hell that just was, at least, that’s what I was thinking. Just then, as my cool and calculating mind was determining my next move, the stage exploded. I had forgotten about the grenade, but talk about perfect timing! The sprinklers came on, and the band members who weren’t dead found their momentum.

“My love for you is like the rain,
Tears fall down and soothe the pain,
Please don’t tear my love in two,
I have a rock stuck in my shoe.”

I suppose it all came together quite nicely in the end, despite the screaming and running going on in the crowd.

After the show, the 2 surviving band members and I sat backstage, toweling our hair. The bassist took out some white powder and passed it to the guitarist.

“Hey, can I have some of that?” I asked.

::NOTE: THIS BLOG ENTRY DOES NOT IN ANY WAY PROMOTE DRUG ABUSE.::

Cyke sings a song

I've got to get a band together? But I can't sing or play an instrument. I don't even like music. Well except for the Winter Album by 'NSYNC. I could listen to that all day. That Justin Timberlake is hot. Er, I mean he can sing really well.

I can't let the anxiety get to me. Let's see . . singers . . singers oh right! I remember Professor X had this totally amazing guy perform at an X-Men party last year. Let's see . . what was that guy's name? Oh right, Sanjaya. I think I still have his agent's number in my wallet. Hopefully he's available on such short notice.

"Uh, hello? Is this Mort Gushheimer? My name is Cyclops and I was wondering if Sanjaya might be available for a, uh, performance tonight? He is? Really? Well that's great! I was afraid he'd be off on a concert tour of Europe or something. Oh? He hasn't performed since the X-Men party last year? Well . . as long as he's available tonight, that's great. What's that? How much does this gig pay? Uh, I don't really have any money. I think I saw some McDonald's coupons in the circular he could have. That's good enough? Great. I'll see him soon."

Well now that's taken care of, I have to pick out my outfit. Forunately I brought some civilian clothes. Let's see . . yeah . . this should work.

* three hours later *

"Hi Sanjaya! I'm so glad you could make it."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for hiring me! Do you have the coupons?"

"Uh, sure. Here you go. Now listen, we have to do a song tonight. Do you know any good ones?"

"What type of song do you want? What's the occasion?"

"I'm trying to impress this really hot girl."

"Is she tall and beautiful?"

"Oh yeah. She is totally hot. Pretty face, great hair . . killer body. And she's got this really sexy
bump in her neck. I just love it when girls have that."

"Er, okay Cyclops. I think I have just the song."

"Then let's get on stage and do it!"

Girl when I look at you,
the blood flows from my brain.
The titillation that I feel,
drives me almost insane.

Girl . . you make it hard . .
to forget how much I want you

Girl I want to pump you
up with all my love.
Spoon feed you my gooey sweetness,
just like a vanilla turtledove.

Girl . . you make it hard . .
to forget how much I want you

Girl I want to squeeze your
round juicy fruits
Put my rock solid love
deep inside your heart
Fill you with my love
until you burst!

Girl . .you make it hard . .
to forget how much I want you
Girl . . you make it hard . .


I can see a tear running down Sylar's cheek. Sweet! I've got this one in the bag.

Mission Three: Horn-Rimmed Hip Hop

If there is one thing that a paper salesman doesn't learn in fifteen years of mostly loyal service, it's how to sing. Obviously, when Sylar wanted us to form a boy band, I shook in my bright yellow shirt. It was time to call in some backup.

"Yo dawg, that's a shame 'bout Hank, yo," he said. "But Randy's here for ya, dawg. Her to keep it real. For Hank, yo!"

Unfortunately, my good friend and rapper-extraordinaire was viciously murdered by Sylar months ago. Sylar didn't eat Hank's brains, so he missed out on his power of mad skilz. There was only one person who could best Hank in a duel of rhyme-tastic wit: his friend and mentor, Randy Jackson. Though we're only friends through Hank, the two of us are tight.

"Yo, B-Dawg, we tight."

So, it was no surprise Randy agreed to help me put together my awesomely hip and totally cool boy band.

"First, dawg, we gots to have a panzy-ass that can smooth over the band's rough edges."

The Haitian paid a visit to Alfonso Ribeiro, better known as Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and we had our second band member.

"Then, dawg, its lots important we get a fly homeboy from the school of hard knocks."

I was about to send The Haitian to MC Hammer's house, but it was foreclosed on recently. Luckily, though, the flamboyant master of ceremonies miraculously slide-danced his way into my room.


The Haitian and I watched as he broke it down:

Hammer's back, where it's at
He needs a job; you got one to give.
So kick it over here. Help a brother live.

Eh....seems he's gotten rusty, but his dancing was superb, and having seen Alfonso's talent, we'd need a man with a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet.

"Now what?" I asked my guru.

"Yo, dawg, lookin' good. Lookin' real good. But we gots one more opening. A quiet brother, ya know? Big, strong type. Mysterious. Keeps the ladies hollerin', yo!"

I recognized the description from a classified ad I ran in the paper when we had an opening for The Haitian. "Looks like you're our fourth," I said to my number one crony.

"..."

"You got it now, dawg. Just gotta keep it real, yo!"

And with that, my new band set off to make one-hit-wonder history!

Now, singing may not be a paper salesman's forte, but putting on a good light show is. As fog filled the stage, the colorful lighting kicked on. I stood silently, unmoving at center-stage.

MC Hammer danced his way across the stage chanting, "Hide yo children. Cover yo asses! Hide yo children. Cover yo asses!"

The Haitian and Alfonso came up on my sides and joined in on the chant. "Hide yo children. Cover yo asses!"

Then Alfonso broke rank with his high-pitched delivery of, "Who's the man in the big sexy glasses?"

The Haitian and Hammer retorted, "Hide yo children. Cover yo asses!"

Again, Alfonso sang, "Who's the man in the big sexy glasses?"

This continued for a few more measures, then darkness. The lights kicked back up and I begun my solo as the gang moved seductively behind me.

"Mr. Bennet's my name,
AKA HRG.
We're one and the same,
A man of mystery.

Some say I'm a nerd,
But I've got fly skills.
It could be inferred
That sometimes I kill.
One thing is certain,
I'm a freak-huntin' fool.
And behind that curtain
Is a big Haitian tool.

He'll hollow you out
And take everything
But try not to shout,
It's just a mild sting."

Alfonso shot out, "Who's the man in the big sexy glasses?"

"Hide yo children. Cover yo asses!" The Haitian bellowed.

MC Hammer did the bump.

I sang out the next verse,

"My morals: questionable
You have been warned
Look out for large spectacles
With the rims horned
Primatech Paper Co
It's just a front
From where we undergo
Our Hero hunt"

MC Hammer started over-doing his dancing. It was clear he was hogging the stage. I threw it over to Alfonso while I prepared a lethal dose of sodium thiopental.



"Try to understand him
He's not that bad
Behind the horned rims
There's a loving dad
Sylar wants to kill
His Miracle Grow girl
He can't sit still
And let that spit unfurl
He'll do what it takes
To protect his Claire Bear
He understands the stakes
Don't expect him to play fair"

As MC Hammer spasmed to his end, I belted out my finale, the words echoed throughout the mansion.

"So let me proclaim
To the masses
Bennet's my name
Horn Rimmed Glasses!"

Challenge the Third: In Which West Dominates

If these past few challenges have taught me anything, it's this: the competition sure is tough. I knew that if I wanted to continue on this show, I needed professional help. So I turned to fellow contestant Agent Audrey Hansen, FBI, for assistance.

"I've seen the file on you, kid," she said. "Why should I help out a creep like you?"

In exchange for her help, I offered her three things:
1) I wouldn't vote against her in the contest.
2) I will testify against Sylar after she takes him down.

And, most importantly,
3) I will never, ever again bug her about how hot it would be if she and Elle made out while wearing the matching purple dresses.

The mission was simple: attack the Disney Channel studios and kidnap the three male leads of High School Musical

Zac Efron

Lucas Grabeel

and Corbin Bleu.

Agent Hanson and I burst onto the lot where they were filming High School Musical 3, guns drawn. A sound technician ran at her with a boom mike, but she unloaded a clip into his chest before he could reach us.

"Agent Hanson! We're supposed to be using tranquilizer darts!"

She swore. "Where's the fun in that, geek boy?" she said before unholstering the correct gun.

We sedated the teen idols and dragged them into the backseat of a Nissan Rogue, but the mission was only half over. We needed to get the boys to the Sylar's Bachelor mansion, and getting out of Disneyland would be difficult.


You see, there's a reason I wanted to attack Disney, and it's not just that Efron, Grabeel, and Bleu's charms are irresistable. I wanted to attack Disney because they were part of the vast robot conspiracy. Walt Disney and his Imagineers weren't just creating creepy and cute robots for the Disneyland rides; they created a legion of robot soldiers, headquartered under Tomorrowland. With High School Musical's popularity, these boys were funding the robotic madness I vowed to stop.


Those robot soldiers were headed right for us.

"Agent Hanson! You drive the Nissan Rogue back to the mansion. I'll fly overhead and provide cover fire."

I borrowed Agent Hanson's pistol and soared, firing at Disney's robot minions. Although I couldn't destroy them all, enough fell to allow us safe passage back to the mansion. I thanked Agent Hanson for her assistance, and dragged the boys up to my room. I owed Agent Hanson big time, but I would have to pay her back some other day. I had a challenge to complete.

The stars awoke to find themselves tied up. I introduced myself to them. "My name is West Rosen and you are the new members of my boy band. Obey me if you want to live long enough to return to your precious robot families."

Within a few hours I taught them the song and choreography, and then I paraded them downstairs to perform for Sylar. We dressed in tight white t-shirts and white boxer briefs. I strutted my stuff for Sylar, winked, and said, "You may remember this little number from the MTV Music Awards back in 2003."

We launched into our rendition of TaTu's "Not Gonna Get Us," jumping up and down and shaking our thing. At the end, just like in the MTV performance, we made out with each other. I ended up in a lip-lock with Zac Efron, then whispered to Sylar, "I've got a treat for you later."

That night, I got out the black silk scarves to tie and blindfold the teen idols.

"When are you going to let us go?" Lucas Grabeel whined.

"When I'm good and ready, robot." I replied.

I locked the door to the room behind me, then sat in the living room to write two notes.

The first one read:

Dear Disney:
Disband your Imagineering robot program and hand the money over to the SETI Program searching for alien life, or else I kill your cash cows.

The second read:

Dearest Sylar,
If you thought my boy band was tasty before, I offer their brains up to you as a decadent midnight snack.
Love, West

Yeah, Disney probably won't end their robotic madness, and the leads of High School Musical probably will have their brains devoured, but I just want everyone to remember one thing.

Whether it comes to fighting robots or winning reality shows, West Rosen means business.

Challenge 3: Completed

The challenge this week involves talent and singing. luckily, Momma (RIP) taught me both. I really want to win this challenge to show everyone that I am not some girl from the Big Easy. I need to show him that I am here for Him and here to win. I got to thinking about all these different girl groups. I need to find girls that can carry a tune but at the same time they can not over shadow me. Like Beyonce and her back up singers group. I need to find a group like that but with less talent. Then it hit me like lighting:

Pussycat Dolls.

Take away the sexy outfits, hair, make up and all you get is five girls dancing in a push up bra. I had to call my favorite second cousin. I told him what I had to do this week. While I was telling him my story, my baby brother was listening and hear the word "Pussycat Dolls' and joined us on the other line. I told him if he stay quiet, I will get him a personal photo and cell phone video to help his street cred.

I had Micah find out where they where at and how to get them to come to us. Between the two of us we come up with a great plan. Micah changed their manger's PDA to say that PCD has a very important gig with a VERY rich and very single male. Micah had them call me to conform the show. With in twenty minutes, their agent called me to say it is a go.

My next plan was get a limo and limo driver. luckily, I had someone get all the computers set up for me. I show up to the airport a day before the talent show. They was not hard to miss. Five rich "Singer" set off the private jet. The lead cat wasn't to nice when I went to great my self. The other four was pretty cool with me. I lead all the girls to the limo. They seem to love the limo.

Once I got them to the house. I had to stay in the pool house. The other guested noticed them. I think Adam and Nathan wanted some action from them. I told the girls that they need to practiced for tomorrow big show. They where cool with it. I asked them I could practiced with them. I told them that I was a huge fan and it will be an honor go though the dances with them. They let me dance one song with them and let me watch the rest of the practice. After when they where done, I bake them some fresh fat free cookies. I told them I will meet them tomorrow morning before the show.

The next day, I went down to the pool house to meed them. There was only four cats waiting for me. One of the cats was upset. I asked her what is wrong. She told me that the lead Pussycat is very sick. She been up all night and all morning sick. The other girls don't know what they could do. I sorta bought up that I sang in the church choir and could fill in for the lead singer. They looked at me not sure. They ask if I could keep up with the dance moves. I told them I could do just fine. I told them the client paid a lot of money and wouldn't mind that I filled in for the lead.

I preformed "Don't Cha", "Buttons", and "Wait a minute" for Sylar and everyone. I hope it was good enough for them. I hope the lead singer is going to be OK. I hope she didn't get sick from the cookies I gave her.

Challenge Three: Zacharelle

Oh crud. Another challenge and I got distracted staring at Nathan Petrelli in a speedo. UGH. Damn him and his tight bum. West and I have debated boucing quarters off of i- Oh. OH YES THE CHALLENGE.

A boy band? Okay. I don't have the best luck with guys, they tend to only see me for one thing...or they cower and hide.

So I wanted to be a little more original. I wanted to have some pizazz. I figured...Donny and Marie....no, no, better than that...SONNY AND CHER. I knew that would appeal to Sylar too! I mean, it's not exactly a boyband, its more...boygirl band that's actually a duet.

I needed a partner, someone who would appeal to Sylar, someone that would catch his eye.

THEN I SAW IT, Late night television...I was watching SoNotorious and caught sight of a beautiful man but the name of ZACHARY QUINTO, and he was totally making out with another guy. PERFECTION.

...and oddly enough, reminded me of sexy Sylar!

Using my super stalker skills, I managed to find his apartment. I knocked and figured I'd offer him girl scout cookies and if that didn't work, I'd just bag and tag his booty!

"Kristen! What are you doing here? Why is it time for our weekly venti chai mocha vegan lattes with extra foam and sprinkles already?"

Kristen?! Who the heck is Kristen?! Whatever. He was treating me like a friend, so I nodded.

"I just missed you, you big silly sil!"

He wrapped me in a bear hug and I nearly got lost in a tuft of chesthair that peeked from his V neck but pulled away.

"I have like, the funnest idea EVER."

"Really? Do spill."

"You and me, singing I've Got You Babe."

"We do that regularly."

"No I mean like...uh...erm...FOR CHARITY."

He gasped. "The brilliance!"

Okay that was way too easy, but mister eyebrows and I were on our way back to the mansion.

"What's the charity BFF?"

"Oh uh, the children's brain foundation."

"Zomg, that is sooooo touching," Zachary said, bringing a hand to his heart.

Okay this Zachary? Way hot, I had to refrain from making a comment about where I'D like to touch HIM.

Arriving at the mansion, I donned a black wig and stole some of Zachary's eyebrow hair to make him a makeshift mustache...it didn't work so well, he just ended up stubbly. OH WELL.




"Lights!" I yelled and the lights dimmed and then slowly faded in as we began to sing in perfect freakin' harmony!

ME: They say we're young and we don't know
We won't find out until we grow
ZACHARY: Well I don't know if all that's true
'Cause you got me, and baby I got you

ZACHARY: Babe
BOTH: I got you babe
I got you babe

ME: They say our love won't pay the rent
Before it's earned, our money's all been spent
ZACHARY: I guess that's so, we don't have a pot
But at least I'm sure of all the things we got

ZACHARY: Babe
BOTH: I got you babe
I got you babe

ZACHARY: I got flowers in the spring
I got you to wear my ring
ME: And when I'm sad, you're a clown
And if I get scared, you're always around

ME: Don't let them say your hair's too long
'Cause I don't care, with you I can't go wrong
ZACHARY: Then put your little hand in mine
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
ZACHARY: Babe
BOTH: I got you babe
I got you babe

ZACHARY: I got you to hold my hand
ME: I got you to understand
ZACHARY: I got you to walk with me
ME: I got you to talk with me
I got you to kiss goodnight
I got you to hold me tight
I got you, I won't let go
I got you to love me so

BOTH: I got you babe
I got you babe
I got you babe
I got you babe
I got you babe


I gave a big ol' sigh of relief at the end and bowed, giving a wink in the direction of Nathan...who looks surprisingly sexy in drag!

Zachary was a little caught up staring at Sylar, mumbling something about looking into an attractive mirror. I rolled my eyes, some people are so vain! Then I caught sight of myself in a mirror...

I look hot with dark hair!

The Best Boy Band Ever

My mission, if I chose to accept it, was to form a boy Band. Well guess what people? I did accept, and I feel like I formed the best boy band in the history of this great country. It was a band that understood if they were not with me, they were against me. A band that was not afraid to fight terrorism in every region of the…wait, I think I’m off topic here. Forget what I just said…

The first thing I had to do was pick out three guys with the following qualities:

1) They had to have a way with the chicks.
2) They had to appeal to Sylar.
3) They had to "NOT" outshine me.

The first guy that came to mind was this tool. He name is Daniel Craig.

When I approached him with my idea, he told me to go F@#$ myself. So, naturally I had to tap into my ‘shark’ instincts. I pulled out a sample of tomorrow’s potential front page story of the Inveracity. I told him he could either play balls…wait…I mean, I told him he could cooperate or he could wake to find “this”