Those of you fortunate enough to be living on EARTH (the greatest planet in the world!!!) may have heard of a little thing called the Xbox 360! Maybe you even received one for Hanukkah, or Christmas if you’re a guilt-free gentile!!!
It turns out these video game consoles are nothing but an box of pure evil!!! EVIL!!
Why???? It’s simple….I did some research…being dead I have a lot of time for that kind of thing…and it turns out…big spoiler alert….it’s quite shocking!….the Xbox is made by none other than…..MICROSOFT!!!!!
Yes, the Standard Oil of the computer world! They are out for no less than world domination!!!! If you own one of their consoles, the best thing for you to do is to blow it up!!!! With a big explosion!!! Use eco-friendly combustibles!!
There is hope, however!! You may not need to blow up your own Xbox. Apparently, they all tend to self-destruct on their own!!! No doubt a insidious mechanism installed by its creators to cover all trace of their nefarious deeds!
These Xplosions are happening all over the country, and that statement is applicable in whichever country you happen to be in!!!
I have always been against things that blow up!!! It’s bad for the average human being!!!! The Big Wigs like things to blow up, though. It keeps us on our toes, fearful of the next blast that could kill or badly damage our face to the point of unloveability!!!
So, while the new threat is the Xbox, don’t let your guard down elsewhere!!! Just because the Death Star seems fun enough to wear, doesn’t mean a proton torpedo won’t find its way inside!!!
So whether it’s the Death Star, your Xbox or just your Crazy Aunt Carol, hide it deep inside Carlsbad Caverns unless you’re happy with the risk sponaneous combustion brings!!! With any luck, a bat will scare the nitroglycerine out of it. Then it can take up a life of crime-fighting with an acrobatic associate, maybe a reformed PS3?
And a quick warning to Microsoft: I’m on to you!!! Maybe I can’t slap you, but I can infiltrate your precious computers….as soon as I figure out how to get past the little paper clip body guard. “No, I don’t need help destroying your evil creators. Just die, Clippy!”