Teen angst x like, a jillion

OMG! I- Poor daddy! I'm like, uber sorry I said I hated you! I did then, but I don't now 'cause you're like dead and all. I've jumped off of the roof like 50 times to ease my pain. It would have been more but West caught me and distracted me with a makeout session on my parent's bed.


Later a I heard a knock at the door. "No, mom, we don't want any cookies or condoms!"

"No time for that now Claire," Mom said, walking in with her eyes covered.

"It's okay mom, we're just mourning, nothing indecent,"

"Is that what you kids call it these days?"

"No, just... what did you want?"

"Oh," She said. "I forgot," And she left the room shutting the door behind her. "Sure you don't need anything?" she called.

"That's when I decided to follow her into the kitchen. I figured she needed help getting putting out a fire or something. That seems like something she'd forget.

Anyway, sitting at the kitchen table enjoying a bologne sandwich was that creepy guy with the crappy plasic glasses from earlier. If I had a superpower that could be used as some sort of offense I would have used it on him. But don't so I gave him my skank look instead and called him fugly. To my suprise he didn't seem phased.

"I just came by to give you my condolences," He said.

"Like, yeah right, its all your fault and I hate you. Now I guess you want me to come identify the body or something? Well, I won't. You're an awful person if I'm going to look at my poor daddy's dead body with the man who's responsible leering over my shoulder,"

"Oh, well that's good. We don't have the body,"

"What?! I demand to see my daddy's body! Give it to me!"

It was lucky that West came in then, because I can't communicate very well during one of my cheerleader tantrums. "Where is the body then?" He asked.

The guy with the fugly glasses looked uncomfortable. "We uh... lost it?"

"How do you lose a body? You're like a super evil corperation, you can't lose bodies."

"We uh... need to fire the guy in charge of that kind of thing. We've been losing alot of stuff lately..."

"My dad is just stuff to you?! I so hate you!" I started crying and flailing again, so West dropped the guy off back in his van. That's when Mom came in. "When do you think your father will be home? His dinner is getting cold," She asked.

"OMG mom! Can't you do something like, useful? Go comfort Lyle or something he's probably pretty upset,"

"Oh..." She said.

"You forgot to pick him up from school again,"

"It's alright, I think he sleeps in the playground. He'll be alright till tomorrow."

Gah! Why is my family sooo messed up? Why is it that the smartest one is dead and who knows where? Is it at all pathetic that the most ration person here is a teenaged cheerleader! Gah! I'm going to jump off the roof again. Life sucks!!!!!1!eleven!!