At first glance one would surely arrive at the assumption that my life is currently devoid of fortune. And while it would most definitely be true that it is quite unfortunate to be in my current predicament, I find myself hopeful for two reasons.
The first being my possession of the device which allows me to write this post. As a good scientist, I keep my Blackberry within the interior of my frontal shirt pouch. Perhaps it is the work of destiny? For only by being one who would keep such an artifact on their person at all times will I have this chance, this small opportunity to survive. And if I am in this predicament for a while, then I am blessed with a plethora of fun activities to perform on my Blackberry. I find that I am a fanatic when it comes to the game of Solitaire.
When I discovered my small computing device, I was relieved, but not only relieved, I was overjoyed. Overjoyed like a spinster walrus after finding its long lost whisker comb. And now, with my device, my metaphorical dragon-sleighing sword, it will be made possible for assistance to be provided to me, and perhaps Peter.
“Hey, dude, are you like writing on your blog?” he inquired.
“As a matter of fact, yes, yes I am. However, it goes beyond the act of simply writing. This is not just a minor periodic account of mundane events of mediocrity and/or misery. This is our golden ticket, our free pass, to escape the vile clutches of the evil Sylar. For with this device as my only hope, I can distribute a signal to the cyber masses and await their assistance.”
“Email my brother and tell him Petey’s finally dead. He can win his campaign now because I’m not going to be here to whine and screw it up for him! He never loved me! He kisses me and hugs me and feigns concern, but he doesn’t understand me. Nobody does. Simone almost understood me, but Isaac killed her. I’m glad he did. Everyone should die. Dying is better than living. People accomplish more by their deaths. Do you believe in an afterlife, Mohinder?
“Well, I would not put it past destiny to create some form of eternal void in which the souls of the deceased may frolic and play. But the concept does seem quite silly, does it not?”
“I think when we die, we just become ghosts. And then we have to stay on Earth and watch everything, because Earth is Hell. There is no Heaven. If there’s a God, he would have protected my hair. But there can’t be a God, Mohinder! There’s only a devil, and evil vile mastermind to this entire event we call life! There’s no hope, no joy, no happiness. I thought I found happiness in a chocolate bar once, but the taste only reminded me of how rich and wonderful my life isn’t. If only I could be a chocolate bar..”
I had no choice but to ignore the quite philosophical speech. As much as I enjoy conversations likening one to a edible block of candy, my cyber writing was of the utmost importance. For through it I can send my cry for help. And whom will receive it you ask?
You. Those people with whom I have friendly relations. Yes, it is finally time for you all to repay Mohinder for all that he has given to you. For without me, would destiny exist? Were it not for me, where would your lives be? Most definitely in a far worse place. I may lack an anamolistic ability of my own, but I have an enormous intellect, one that would rival the best of them. A brain with more potency than a legless wallaby during mating season.
And so it is my request, perhaps I could go as far to say demand, that you come to my rescue. And should you find that there is ample time and resources, you can also rescue Peter at your discretion.
“…And that’s when I realized the truth about the Toothfairy.”
“Peter, help is most assuredly en route as we speak. At this very moment, a swarm of evolved humans will descend upon my apartment, why there could even be a dyslexic cop as well! We now must wait. As one would wait for Santa or the Toothfairy to bring the rewards they so desire and often deserve.”
“Toothfairy! Why? Why would you do that to me? How could you? I hate you, Toothfairy!”
I’m starting to become all to familiar with the sight of a man sobbing his eyes out like a Mesopotamian waterfall drowns its would-be travellers. Fortunately, for moments like this, there exists Solitaire.