My Only Friends
Currently, I am on the run from an "old friend". This friend and I have a long history together. Some bugger tipped him off to where I've been. If I ever find who did it, I am going to find the longest metal rod and stick it up their arse.
You know what? People Suck! That's right, they suck. They are born liars. Every single one of them. I know what you are thinking. "Claude, Not everyone is that bad" OK, How many people have ever told a lie? Unless your Jesus, God, Buddha, Mother Theresa, Queen (The Band) or Richard Nixon, You all have LIED. Hell, I lie. My whole bloody life is a LIE. We are just horrible people cursed to roam this ugly earth. We are also gassy people too. People just fart when they want to with no concern for others at all. No ones cares about other's personal space anymore.
My only true friends are my birds. My birds never lie, never cheat, never moan about themselves. In my past, one of my jobs was to work with birds as Guinea pigs for evolution. I would spend days just watching them and testing them. After a while, I would get bored and began to talk to them. Maybe it was the solitude of the job or the booze I drank but after a while, each bird started to show their personality. Clyde was the alpha male. He would attack all the other male birds and hit on all the females. Thanks to him, we had an over run of baby pigeons. Polly was a sweet thing who liked peanut butter. Every time I would bring a sandwich to work. She would get right up to me and try to eat it. At first, I thought she was an odd thing, but after awhile I would just fed her a bit of PB. Gabe was the retarded one who liked plastic bags. He would walk in and then get trapped in the bag. I would let him out and he would go right back in the bag. He made many drunk nights entertaining. I spent many nights making sure they were OK. My coworkers began to think I was a little off, but in reality, they were the ones that were off.
I hate to leave my pigeons but I have to leave this place. But I can't risk going back. I hope emo child feeds them. He seems to like little animals.
Hi! This is the Chef, just making a quick announcement: Don't forget to Vote for Burnt Toast Diner's Greatest Hits!
4 patrons:
I had a pigeon named Hilda once.
But she flew away to Argentina. ;_;
I just want to be your friend again, like old times.
to Claude: Drat! I knew there was a reason I couldn't find you : (. Please stay safe. Maybe we can meet up somewhere else...BTW do you like Ravens at all? I hope Peter takes care of your birds, but, just in case I may try to find them, cause he'll prbably still be whining.
mr glasses wants to be everyone's friend. He's like that creepy ice cream truck driver except he's not selling ice cream and a creepy music box tune doesn't follow everywhere in his wake.
But you get what I mean.
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