Past Teacups

As I've said countless times, people are fragile like teacups. Nobody seems to listen to me, though. And these teacup people keep shattering all around me. Sure, usually it's me doing the shattering, but still, the point is valid.

How am I so wise? People often ask me that. "Gee, Noah," Peter said just the other day, "You sure are good at so much. You must have a great backstory."

I shot him a mysterious look and said mysteriously, "Of course."

He sat down Indian style on the floor and smiled up at me.

"Umm, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Waiting for the story," he replied up at me. "It's story time right?"

"No," I answered. "Now get up and help me catch this speedster."

"Oh," he sighed, "it's just that it sounded like it was going to be story time."

I had hoped story time would never come. But like Kristie Alley's 18th jelly donut following seven bowls of Lucky Charms each morning for breakfast, it was inevitable.

Story time finally did come, thanks to some replicating jerk. Had I known he would start firing shots into the carnival, I would have shot Samuel right in the head. I never like passing up an opportunity to fire a gun. So, naturally I wasn't pleased when Claire forced me into negotiations with the carny, allowing him to surrender.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to snipe anyone, and was instead captured by the freakish lot of miscreants.

Ooh, cotton candy!

I was held prisoner in the hall of mirrors as one of them made my backstory unfold on its reflective surfaces. It told the tale of a relationship prior to Sandra....


She was the love of my life.


And the mother of my son. But things were complicated....


Because there was also Luke.


But my old man didn't want his son being "happy".

And then, and this is where it gets really confusing (I don't even know for sure how it went down), at my sister's wedding Luke got shot in the head!


And he died in my arms.

It was tragic, but I moved on. I found a new girl, but that was soon brought to an end too. She was murdered by the pizza delivery man.


Clearly, love was not meant for me. People die too easily, and so I found a better companion. My pistol. We've been together ever since.

ごめん。英語を話せない。。。

今日は、皆さん。お元気ですか。たくさん間違いをしました、でも今はだいじょうぶです。今日はスケークロと一緒にアルカンじょうに行きます。マジクカーペットを乗ったり、ワツサン先生を助けたり。じゃね！

-ひろ　(hiro)

Hi. This is Ando. Hiro has been having a very bad time. His brain tumor must have gotten bigger because he has been doing many strange things.

Hiro wanted to leave a message for everybody to let them know what he is doing. He tried to write in English, but he got very frustrated. He can't remember English anymore. He can speak Japanese, but he is not making much sense. I will translate what he say.

Literally, his message says, "Hello, everybody. How are you? I have made many mistakes, but now everything is okay. Today, I am going to Arkham Castle with the Scarecrow." (Hiro must think I don't have a brain. Thanks Hiro!)

He also mentions that we are going to do things like ride on a magic carpet and save Doctor Watson. I think what he's really trying to say is that we're going to go to a mental institution in Florida to save someone. (Hopefully he is not going to try to commit himself). I'm not sure who it is we're going to save because Hiro can't exactly say. I guess I will find out soon.

-"Hey, wait. Hiro! Don't swing that around! That very sharp!"

-"Oh shit"

I think maybe I should go now before Hiro cause more problem. See you later!

No run away to join circus! Really!

i tired of hanging out around carnival. carnie very strange people. there one person here able to breathe fire. also, he no have teeth. he burn them all away.


evil butterfly man put me to work until i can figure out how time travel and save suresh-sensei. they make me pick up garbage. i son of ceo of yamagato industries, and here i am picking up trash. ひどいよ that mean nasty!


cotton candy very tasty, but difficult to clean. make everything sticky. i swear! i never eat again!

then, they make me dress up as clown and entertain audience. when i was little kid, i always want to run away and join circus so i can be clown. now, i no like. maybe it because evil butterfly man make me do. also, i discover that many people afraid of clown. i try to entertain child, and he point and start to cry.

"mommy! mommy!" he say. "i scared of clown."

"you no worry. i okay. i good clown. very funny. ne?" i say.

then i make face. little kid scream and run away. even some adult afraid of clown. big guy get frightened and punch in face. i always get punch in face. maybe i stick to being magician from now on. i no frighten people and they no punch me in face.

i also do very bad thing to get charlie-san back. i do favor for evil butterfly man in order to save her. i save movie reel that he want very bad. what he no know is i also save suresh-sensei. i regret doing now because suresh-sensei want to stomp on evil butterfly man right away.

"hiro, we got to stop evil butterfly man now. let's go!" suresh-sensei say.

"no, i tell him. you must find place to hide for eight week. that way i can save charlie-san," i tell him.

"no, you no understand," suresh-sensei say to me, "we got to stop evil butterfly man now. very dangerous."

"i know that, but if we go now, evil butterfly man no tell me where charlie-san is. besides, you very smart scientist, but you no have common sense. do very dumb thing. don't feel bad though. many smart people like this. i no want to go with you to stomp on bad butterfly man. i better off doing myself. less likely to make bigger problem. remember time you think it good idea to inject self with formula? experiment on self? you almost turn into the fly. very big problem, like i say."

"if that what you want to do, i go without you," suresh-sensei tell me.

he about to leave and i stop-o time. i trap him in funny farm.


oops. i do it again. he going to be very angry with me. what people no understand is i sometimes use power to get problematic people out of way. just ask this guy.


i better not tell charlie-san what i do. she be very mad and break up with me for sure. now, i wonder where charlie-san is. my luck, evil butterfly man put her in cell next to where i put suresh-sensei…

when i go back to carnival, i give evil butterfly man movie and say, "i do you favor. now you tell me where charlie-san is."

"sorry, hiro, but you need to go clean up ride over there. someone eat too much elephant ear and get sick on."

"awww…come on!" i tell evil butterfly man, "you promise!"

"do you want charlie back or not?" he tell me. i sigh. then i grab mop and bucket and clean up mess. i thought cotton candy bad. this worse.



"okay, now you tell me where charlie-san is?" i ask him when i finish. but no. evil butterfly man no tell me. he just give me more work to do. now i have to go clean up after elephant.


warning to people with ability. no work for evil butterfly man! he give workers shit jobs. also, he no offer benefits package.

Ja ne!

stepping on too many bad butterfly

hello. how everybody doing? this week i go save charlie-san. she work in diner in texas. when i teleport-o to texas and look in diner, old lady come up and talk to me.

"cute-o butt" she tell me.

i look down and notice that i still in hospital gown.

then, old lady flirt with me.

"hey, you want to go on date-o with me?" she ask me.

ひどいよ！ (that mean gross in japanese)

i try to be polite. i smile and say, "no thank you. i already have girlfriend."

"maybe you like two girlfriend," she say.

"no no no!" i say and run away.

that old lady very creepy.

then, i look for clothes. i can not save charlie-san in hospital gown. fortunately, many people dry clothes outside in texas. must save on power bill, ne? they do same thing in japan.

anyway, i go to one house, and try on clothes, but they too big. they say everything bigger in texas.

i think they make people bigger in texas too. so, i try 'nother house. owner see me and almost shoot me with bb gun. finally, i find house with clothes and no owner with bb gun. clothes fit good too. but i see bratty kid with toy gun.

"you steal my daddy no clothes!" he tell me.

"i sorry. i must take!" i say, "it matter of life and death. i must save woman i love."

"love?" bratty kid say, "love no exist. my mommy and daddy scream at one another all time. my mommy like to throw dish at my daddy. chase him around with rolling pin too. love is just fairy tale. now give me back my daddy no clothes!" he demand.

really? why must kid in united state be so bratty?

eventually, i convince boy to let me have clothes. i tell him bullshit about good guy versus bad guy. he no understand that i just say that so i can steal his daddy no clothes…so i can do job and he leave me alone. it work. it work very well. then i start to talk about brain man.

"you crazy, mister," he say. then he run away.

so, i stop time and put brain man on bus far away. before i stop time, i talk to myself. i tell myself that he must go back in time and save charlie-san. talking to self very weird. also very complicated.

"where your sword?" my past self ask me.

"that not important," i say.

then he talk to me about comic book . he talk to me long time about comic book. was i really that dumb three year ago? that what they call rhetorical question. please no answer.
then, i talk to ando-kun.

"where your sword?" he ask.

really. why do ando-kun and i always talk about sword in past? we obsessed with sword then. that sword really piece of junk that belong to this guy, who i no like very much any more.




then, i tell ando-kun to stay. i sound like i talking to dog. "sit. stay. good dog." maybe i need to learn to treat friend better, ne?
















finally, i talk to charlie-san and tell her we can go anywhere she want.

"i want to go to otsu, japan," she say, "because kensei-san born there."

i almost tell her i no want to go, that i meet kensei-san in past and he turn out to be asshole, but i no say. i want to make charlie-san happy.

then charlie-san start telling me many thing about otsu, japan. she also start to speak in 'nother language that greek to me. turn out it really greek. she learn two month ago.

"charlie, stop that," i say.

"i sorry, hiro-kun," she tell me, "it aneurysm. it make me do. i sorry, but i dying."

so…i have to take brain man out of bus and convince him to fix charlie-san. we have stand-off behind diner, only with supa-power and not gun. i win and he fix charlie-san. we about to leave for japan when butterfly man appear and steal charlie-san. he say he trap her in time.

"you no butter-fly man, you evil butterfly man," i say.

"you can have charlie back, but you must crush my butterfly first," he say.

he bad butterfly. maybe i crush him once i find charlie.

Raising a Teacup

Is it bad parenting if the kid ends up dead? Yesterday I would have said, "Of course!", but today I'm thinking, "Well, it really depends on the circumstances of the child's death."

You see, before paper, before shooting people, before anything else, my top priority has always been protecting Claire. She's my child, and I would do anything to keep her alive. Fortunately, her ability makes my job really, really easy. I didn't realize how easy until now.

Kids are fragile, like teacups!

And like teacups, you shouldn't let rednecks drag them through town behind a pickup truck.

Proper Uses of Teacups

Being held by Lady Gaga

In an advertisement for this fine establishment

Riding in them

Improper Use of Teacups

Bathing Disney characters in them

Leaving them with a perverted clock babysitter

Doing vodka kitten shots out of them

Above all I am a good father. And this little emo tarnished my perfect record. So, I think I may need to create a new rule for myself: Only adopt kids that can't die.

Happy Halloween from the Unloved Carnie

I really need to escape this place. It's Halloween and I'm forced to do manuel labor and bond over food as we worship the blueberry Waffle Gods. This isn't a carnival haven for people with abilities. It's like a roach hotel and once you get sucked in you can't get out. Although I had several chances to escape, Lydia always kept me grounded. But now that she's playing reindeer games with that emotional crack head Sylar, I might just not have anything to tie me down to the carnival.

The other day, Sylar thought he saw someone, and so did I. It was my water witch, the beautiful Blonde Goddess who was immune to my knife tricks. But once More Sylar stopped me from finding her. And you know why? Because he had to pull the oh -whoa-is - me I don't know who I am, and I think I shook a lot of hands and flew jets and look at me! I look like a mime! So Samuel shooed him off and sent the Water Witch away! Leaving me once more feeling like the red headed left handed step child.

So I've decided to escape the carnival once and for all. But in order to do that I needed a disguise which meant a trip to the local costume Shop. It wasn't easy sneaking away, with Lydia being Emo about her daughter Amanda and Samuel with his we are a loving family please eat my waffles spiel. While Sylar was crying like a bitchy little girl on PMS, and Samuel was out getting revenge on the backwoods cops that went all small town vigilante with a side of deliverance on poor Jeremy I decided to run into the city and visit the local costume shops.


My first Choice was to dress like Toad from the X-Men. But once I looked in the mirror I thought maybe I better try something else. Maybe it was the green mousse hair, the giant tongue or the ridiculous looking goggles. Why would he wear them anyways? Why am I running around looking like a sycophant Frogman?



My Second Choice was to dress like Darth Maul from Starwars. As I contemplated buying Princess Leia's Gold Bikini (in case the water witch is into Role-Play) I noticed a group of girls staring at me and giggling.

“Stop following me!” I snapped at the group of young girls trailing behind me. Normally I'm not opposed to woman following me, but in this case I found it disturbing. First of all they were teenage girls and some boys as well. Second of all, they were all Starwars fans wearing T-shirts of Darth Maul.

“But you look like the guy who played Darth Maul,” a blonde girl said as she stepped in front of the pack.

Geez, I wasn't even wearing the mask. I'll I had on was the robe and funky boots. “Yeah, because I'm wearing a costume,” I said spinning around and doing Darth Mauls signature spin.

“But we watched you throw those knives and you did the signature Darth Maul spin, we saw it!” She pointed her finger at me. “Can we just have your autograph, or you know take pictures or something?”

“You have me confused with somebody else; I’ve never been in a Starwars movie, let alone a movie at all! I just work at the carnival. Look if you leave me alone, I’ll give you some free passes for the Ferris wheel or something.”



So I decided not to go with the Darth Maul Costume. Instead I decided to go with being Snake Eyes from G.I. Joe. That way my face was covered, the water witch could still see my hot body and if any kids came over and bugged me I'd just swipe them with my sword and steal their candy. So Ms. Water Witch, since your in the business of helping others, why don’t you just come to the carnival and help me?






Edgar, the unloved Carnie.

An Invisible Man, Sleeping in...a Van?

I was really hoping that we could have stayed at our last location until we found the Carnival and then left with them, but things didn't turn out that way. Sadly, Claude and I have had to leave our last location though not because of Zombies or because of how scared I was after watching Paranormal Activity. Apparently our last landlord was even more skittish than I, when it comes to possible paranormal disturbances and he sent some local ghost chasers to our building to check it out. It would have been nice if he had told us this when he came and told Claude and I that he was sending us to the local motel for two nights and picking up the tab for everything. In the process of getting all our props and gear packed up "just in case" we wound up leaving food and- more importantly- beer in the fridge. While the motel had decent room service, their beer selection was not good and Claude insisted, after the "crap beer" he'd snagged way back when at Peter's flat, that he would never drink that kind of "rubbish" again. I believe he said that bathing with that particular beer was preferable to drinking it. So Claude went back for his beer. Normally, this would not have been a problem, even with investigators about, except for the fact that they'd put a thermal camera in our kitchen. Of all the rooms to put thermal cameras in, I, personally, would not have picked our former kitchen. The only invisible presence there was Claude. Now me, I would have put a thermal camera in the main bedroom or in the "closet" that Claude had used as a bedroom. While invisible to the unaided eye, Claude showed up clearly on the investigators' thermal camera. You should have seen the colors he turned when our landlord collected us from the motel and told us that our kitchen was haunted and then he showed us the video "proof." Claude made the excuse that I couldn't sleep in a place that was haunted and went on to say that we'd be moving on as a result. I won't tell you what Claude said once the landlord was out of earshot. I really wish I could have seen this coming but all the readings I had been doing for clients left me no time or energy to read for myself or even for Claude.

After all the trouble we've had with stationary buildings and what not, Claude figured we should get some kind of mobile home but not something too big. RV's were out mainly because of how limited parking spaces for one are and we couldn't find one reasonably priced that wasn't a "stick." Neither one of us can drive anything that isn't automatic and Claude hates driving on the wrong side of the road etc. Then we got lucky and found this hippie type van. Sure it was old and Claude hated the paint job but the previous owners took really good care of it and it even has a small but comfortable living area and the built in fridge was a definite plus. Given that the Carnival we are seeking moves around a lot, I'm thinking that having our own van should be a plus. Of course Claude just had to call Maaco to repaint the van, because not only did he not like the paint job but he also didn't want to be mistaken for the van's former owners. While I look like one of the former owners I don't really think Claude does. I'm sure this was a major factor in his decision to repaint as was the fact that the painters offered to raise the roof for free. See what you folks think:




Personally, while I do resemble Velma, I don't really think Claude looks like Shaggy. Shaggy is kinda cute and all, but I much prefer Claude. Claude figures, with the new, white, and rather plain repaint job, that once we find the Carnival, we can just add their logo. I really would have preferred a Celestial pattern, or maybe even red and black but Claude insisted on just plain white. On the plus side, at least he didn't tell the contractors to modify the inside, beyond raising the roof a bit. He actually really liked the interior especially the built in fridge. Now, we're on the road again but at least we have our own wheels. All we really need to find at the moment is decent parking spaces until we can find the Carnival.